SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome everybody. We have an incredibly special podcast today where we're bringing in a client who is going to really discuss her journey with the little love steps and with love strategies through the challenges before you know having any type of coaching in her life as well as her experience as she got out there and dating. I think you're gonna get a lot from this today. And we have a very special guest who's gonna be coming in at the end that I think y'all are gonna like a lot. So without further ado, I would love to introduce Delicia. Delicia, welcome to the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_04 0:35

Yeah, so and we have Dr. Gary as well here. Gary.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

How's everybody doing? I'm so excited for today. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that again because you just said that, but we have something we've never ever done before on the podcast. We've done an interview before, but not like we're doing today, which is very exciting.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

Welcome to the Love Strategies Podcast, where we help successful women attract high-value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Ladolce, a professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Beach out with a friend and enjoy. I'm gonna I'm gonna get ahead of ourselves because I want to talk about why it is that we're doing this podcast, which is Delicia is actually getting in is engaged now and is going to be getting married soon. And so we're gonna get to the end part of the story, but I wanted to start there because I think this is gonna give everyone listening in just a little bit of behind the scenes feel on how this can look for you. If anything comes from this podcast today, I hope everyone listening in can just take away the idea that love is possible. Love is possible for you when you have the right strategy, you have the right support system, when you're moving forward in your love life. And uh yeah, this is gonna be a lot of fun. So, with that, with all that said, Delicia, do you want to just kind of jump in and give everyone a little bit of context as to what was your experience with dating and and love before working with love strategies and getting started with us?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

So we'll just go right to the pain. Um, so I was playing, uh, and I and I um I had had coaching before. Um, so this wasn't the first time that I had invested in um, you know, dating coaching, which made it hard for me to do again because of my experience. Um and it was very um, it was very discouraging. Um, you know, dating was very discouraging. I was successful in my career and with my business. And this was that one area that it just seemed like I really couldn't get right. Um, met a lot of people who outwardly seemed like a good match and just really um didn't have the same motivation, really weren't, you know, just weren't a good match. Um and so in a lot of the the things I had done in the past were kind of gimmicky. Um, you know, I had one coach that was all about just flirt better. And I was like, I think it's deeper than that. Um so and that's part of it. I mean, like, not that I didn't need help there too, but um, a lot of them were just, you know, just flirt better, or you know, one gave me a list of like 40 questions um to ask. And so people felt like they were 40 questions get through that. It was a lot, it was a lot of questions. Um and um so I just really appreciated the this this approach. But you know, prior to this, I was really just discouraged about dating. I was 46 when I um, you know, found you all and started in, you know, in and love strategies and just decided from the outset that I made the investment, I'm gonna do all the steps in order without deviating. And um even though it it would it ran counter to some of the things I had been that I learned in kind of like other you know things that I've done. Um but I'm I'm a forever student. Um, so I'm in the medical profession. So it's you know, I'm always um learning and growing. And so it was good to have this approach that was kind of like going back to school, um, but for like that area of my life that I just wanted to see growth in, but hadn't seen growth in.

SPEAKER_04 4:39

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I would I would certainly love to talk about some of the emotions you felt as you started working with us, but I even want to just go back to your experience before working with us. You mentioned you were discouraged and you were like meeting a lot of guys, but it seemed to be superficial, the wrong types of guys. Maybe we could jump into a little bit more of what you were feeling, experiencing that, and and and maybe I don't know if you have any stories from the top of your head, but like what kind of happened there? Because I I feel like everyone thinks that their story is is very unique and that they're the only ones who are struggling with dating. And I really want to allow everyone to to understand that um a lot of people go through challenges, whether you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, beyond, you know, in your 20s, it can be really challenging. So I just want to normalize that a little bit for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Yeah. Um, so it's it's amazing how many married people are on uh dating apps, um who aren't who aren't upfront about that. Um so there were numerous occasions where someone who presented as you know being single would end up not being. Um and uh so that was, and I usually would find that out like on a date. Um my God.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

Oh geez. Sorry to laugh at that, but geez, like what was wrong with these guys?

SPEAKER_00 5:57

It was well, I mean, in their mind they felt like they weren't married anymore.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Um that's very kind of you. It's a kind interpretation.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, I I don't know, but um um, you know, I will say because um even you know, with with with Kip, like the first time that he reached out, like his divorce wasn't finalized yet. And so we kind of like waited to connect. Um, but I had like this whole mental thing about like, mm-hmm see, it's another one. Um but um actually Gary actually said something in coaching that was really helpful. Um, because he was saying like people who by the time they actually get the divorce, they've actually been divorced in their head for sometimes years. Um and so because I was very hesitant to be, you know, uh get involved with Kip because it was like a new divorce. Um and so um, but I you know, going back to the pain, there were people who um, you know, that um just you know, players, just um people who just didn't keep their, you know, you agree to meet a certain time and they would, you know, not be there, or um things would just, you know, come up, like people who just treated you like you were not a priority. Um and uh it's interesting because I felt like very confident in other areas of my life, um, but I realized that I wasn't demanding the same level of respect in this area that I demand in other areas.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Yes, right. Was there, you know, you'd worked with other coaches before, you were frustrated, um, you're in your mid-40s. Was there a moment that might come to mind where you felt like maybe you kind of hit rock bottom where you're just like, I've had it. No more of this. Like something has to change, or maybe there are multiple, but um, did anything like that ever come up for you or like something seriously has to change here?

SPEAKER_00 8:00

There were multiple moments, but I think the one that was the most painful um was someone that I realized later I was in a situationship with. Um, I I'd had this sometimes I would feel like I was in a committed relationship, and I actually wasn't. Um, and they got engaged um and told me via text. Um I was just like, and that wasn't the first time. Um, and I was just like, okay, we're done. Um, like this is, you know, this is painful. Um is just, you know, there is, you know, all the great guys are relatives of mine. This is not happening for me. And I just went really internal. Um, and I um got really just into taking care of myself. And um, I've always like traveled, I was a group of friends that I travel with and um do retreats together and you know, got really into just doing like my daily devotionals and how I start up my day and how I'm going about my day, um, prayer time, you know, all of those things became like just the focus. But it was that level of pain that took me to like, okay, we're just we're not, you know, the way that I've been doing things hasn't been working. Uh so we need to make a drastic shift.

SPEAKER_04 9:23

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

You deserve a ton of credit.

unknown 9:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Ton of credit, right? Because I think in those moments, not everybody reacts the way you did, which is taking ownership, focusing on yourself. There's a lot of times people in those moments externalize, start blaming all men, blame modern dating, and there's just a lot of excuse making that takes place. That I mean, some of it, to be honest, is is true, but it's also not helpful, right? But you took ownership focusing on yourself. And you know, what you said earlier is you were a very good student, right? You're a very good student in this program and took a lot of things to heart, even though they didn't quite seem like how you dated before. And it's like if there's a secret to success in this coaching thing, it's being having a learner's mindset, it's having that framework, which is like, hey, if what I was doing worked, it probably would have worked by now. So let me try something different. And that's really hard for a lot of people. Um, no, I'd also imagine, like at some point during this whole process, like you had to kind of feel like this wasn't fair. Is that part of it? Because it's like, I don't know if not everybody will be able to see the video, but like Telisa, you you're beautiful, you're smart, like you're so fun to be around, you're warm, like you're amazing. And it's like you're having so you were having so much difficulty. It fundamentally doesn't feel fair.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah, I mean, I was happy for all of my friends who, you know, I was planning their weddings and baby showers and you know, all those things. Um but it, you know, I was like, is it really ever gonna happen for me? And um, and I I got to a point where it's like, can I be okay with that? Like, like actually, I was like, if if I'm not supposed to ever be a wife or um, you know, a mom, then like, can we just take that desire out of me? Uh so I focus on other things. And the desire never went away. Um, so I, you know, I know there were some people who actually it's not a goal of theirs, and it's and that's fine, but you know, I want to have a successful business and I want to have a successful personal life. And and so I I wanted kind of all of those things. Um and I saw it happening for other people and was, you know, always hopeful that it was gonna happen for me, but um definitely the pattern wasn't, you know, in my favor as far as that goes.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Right. Okay. So you were going through these challenges, then you saw probably some weird ad, or you came across pod uh our podcast, and you're like, what is this whole love strategies thing? I would I'd be curious from your perspective because I haven't heard yet. We've had many conversations, you know, at our events and things like that. But what what drew you to love strategies and what eventually made you say yes to working with us? Like what about it, you know, caught your eye?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

And I don't remember if it was YouTube first or if it was like a Facebook ad that I saw. Uh I didn't know the podcast existed, so it wasn't the podcast. So this is great. Um but um and there was you know, it was some probably a maybe like a uh pre-training or um something that I was like, okay, let me, you know, just watch this. Um I've done several of them before, you know, we'll just, you know, we'll just watch it, but we're not gonna invest. Um and then I, you know, I I watched it. And what I really what I really liked was it how genuine it was, that it wasn't some like gimmicky um trickster, you know, type approach to, you know, making someone like you or something like that. That it was really about forming that genuine, genuine connection, and which is what I wanted um as you know, somebody who um would love me for me, not for anything kind of external. Um so I like that it was that it was that. And then the fact that it had a stepwise approach, that it had a system, um, I'm a student. So, you know, I'm used to like, where's the syllabus? And like, what's what are we doing? Um, and I know that, you know, if it's something that can be learned, I know that I have the ability to learn it. Um and so it would, I love the way that it was uh that just the way that it was broken down and the way that I could approach it. Um and then the retreats were like an you know additional bonus too.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

Yeah. So you went through a process for those who are new that we call the seven little love steps. These are seven small yet powerful steps that all of our clients take to get out there, choose the right men, and be in the right long-lasting relationships. So you were an amazing student, Elisa. Oh my God, still to this day. Uh, and so I'd love to hear just your experience of kind of going through those steps and what was that like for you as you started dating with this new mindset and this new approach?

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Well, I loved um the first one, which was kind of all about I forget what the actual title of it was, but radiate your feminine confidence. So um, so it was all about really like taking care of yourself and you know what makes you fun and unique. Uh, I really enjoyed salsa dancing. And so um I was going out to the Rockin' Ranch, um, going salsa dancing there, going to Orlando, um, salsa dancing, um, but really just you know focusing on just that the playful side of myself that, you know, during the day I'm a businesswoman. Um, so I'm taking care of my patients, I'm taking care of my business, I'm taking care of my team. Um, and not that there's never any playfulness there, but for the most part, it's um, it's it's very dialed into what I have on my plate. And although I would try not to take that energy home, it, you know, it, I would. Um, and so it helped me to have some strategies to kind of make that schist of like, okay, work day is done. We've kind of like put that in, everybody's tugged in. And now I get to be, you know, you know, Delicia, not the doctor. Um, and like, you know, just do the things that I enjoy doing and um really like uncovering who that was. Cause for some, I mean, sometimes I had kind of forgotten during the course of the day, especially uh we were going through a rough time during in the business. Um, and so there was just a lot of stressors. And you know, but while I was trying not to let that show and not let that seep into everything else, when you run a business, it does. And uh, so it was it was really helpful to be able to just um really have like tools to kind of like, okay, take all of that stuff that you've been dealing with all day, you know, off and um enjoy like who I really am outside of what I do. And um yeah, and and to rebuild that confidence that I didn't even know that I didn't have.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

Were there any specific strategies that you used to kind of flip out of like your during the day manager mode into a dating feminine approachable mode? Was there anything specific that you can think about?

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Uh well, it was after I went to one of the retreats, I was listening to what other people did. So um, and um, and I took a I took a lot of those. So even just like the music that I would play as I was, you know, leaving work and always making sure that I had time to like take a shower, um, you know, change out of my scrubs and um, you know, into into something that was, you know, just like nicer and brighter and um that made me feel, you know, good. And um taking that moment to have like just creating an entire internal vibe for myself. Um had my little, you know, my little lip gloss, just all the things that um that just, you know, makes you feel um just you know, just fun and flirty and beautiful. And um so I just kind of started making that more of a routine uh as far as like, you know, okay, we're done with like that part of the day, uh, for the most part. You know, I'm on call 24-7, so it's not like 100% ever done, but um, you know, putting that away and like letting this side of me kind of like have her moment. And she hadn't had a moment in a while.

SPEAKER_04 17:59

Yeah, for sure. So I I know you're you're such a great student. We know that. Um, as you were going through this process of following the little love steps, because that was just the first one. Like, what what did you experience? You know, what did it feel like to have kind of that that step-by-step plan as you're getting out there? You created a love vision for yourself. You were getting out there, starting meeting high character guys, going on dates. Like, kind of briefly walk us through what that was like for you and what kind of shifts you were experiencing through that process that can once again really just inspire a lot of women out there who are who are struggling, who were like you before this.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Yeah, well, and it's so important before you kind of create your love vision that you take care of the inner stuff first. Um, so because I wasn't the first time that I had created, you know, a quote unquote vision. Um, but it wasn't from a place of really putting myself first. And um so, you know, with this, I had the vision and like I'm ready to connect with, you know, warm, nurturing, nurturing, intelligent um man who's, you know, ready for you know commitment and marriage and is interested in having children. And like I said, I was 46 when I um, you know, was uh was starting this program. So um uh that alone and oh, and they had to be Christian. Um so um, so that was you know taking out a lot of people. Um, but it's what I wanted. And uh so being very, you know, kind of clear to myself that's what I wanted. And I didn't really let them know um, you know, the people that I was would be meeting. Um, but you know, I would kind of be, you know, sprinkling aim questions as we were like building the connection um to that, you know, just to kind of like to see if that was kind of where their mindset was as well. Um but this was the first, it was definitely the most empowered I'd ever felt in dating. Um, that um, you know, it was it's nice to have a strategy. Uh, it's nice to have other people who are also like very successful in what they do, but this is an area they're working on and they're my accountability partners, and making sure that even if you're kind of more of an introvert like myself, that you're, you know, saying hello to people and you're getting out there and you're doing things. Um, so that was really helpful. I still connect with some of those ladies today. Um, but yeah, just making sure that, you know, anybody who wasn't in that, you know, didn't seem like they were gonna be in the vision at all. Um, you know, they got kind of you know nexted, you know, um regularly. Um, and so I was in, and I never I think the the one step that was the most important for me was pacing.

SPEAKER_04 20:50

Um and love step number five. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Um, so I'd never um I'd heard about it before, but I was kind of concerned about being in a smallish town, a small business owner. My reputation affects my business. Um, I didn't want to be going on multiple dates with all these people around the community and looked at like this little floozy, uh, you know, just just, you know. So um I was extremely hesitant to to that one. Um, but it was also kind of at one of the retreats where someone who was in a relationship said, that's what I wished I had done. Like I'm in a I'm in a committed relationship now, but I wish I'd actually taken some more time and um, you know, had fun, you know, dating and all of those. And kind of hearing her say that gave myself permission to, you know, do the same. We were in a similar situation as far as um being business owners and not so big of towns and kind of concerned about like reputation. And there's certain things that um, you know, can affect. you know, your reputation and your business and and that sort of thing. So um I, you know, started kind of filling up my calendar um on, you know, some of those you did. Yeah. So um I had a timer that went off that was the time that I needed to go and like actually go and make um you know just connections. Um and again, like I'm my schedule is such that if I don't have a timer or something that's telling me that I need to shift gears and do this, it's just gonna get crowded out by something else. So for the most part I stuck to it when the timer went off. It's like, okay, let's go over here and do this. Not that I was always super encouraged to do it, but um, you know, I always kind of again let me play my little music, let me do my little thing, you know, before I go and you know kind of work on this. And I started going on dates primarily where I had friends that I could um if it wasn't like super close to home, it was if the date didn't go well, I was visiting my girlfriend or my family or, you know, there was something else that um that you know I got out of it. So um even that was you know was fun. And even then um so Kip and I our first date was uh ended up being February 14th which is hilarious. Neither of us realized it was going to be on Valentine's Day. Um but I had arranged for two dates in Tampa where my sister lives that weekend like Valentine's Day weekend and um he had texted um he had texted like letting me know like when his divorce was finalized and I was kind of like okay um and then he had texted um you know I really would like to meet you and I was kind of like well I'm I'm free tomorrow but I'm busy you know this week and I didn't say I'm busy because I got dates going on but you know I was like I'm busy free tomorrow and um and and leaned back because I one of the things that I had a tendency to do was you know I'm used to making decisions and so I would um you know kind of like take the reins of like where we're going to go and where we're gonna you know just making things happen. And um he was like okay I'll you know make a reservation and so he you know did all of that and um I we never we never we never had spoken on the phone um literally it was just you know some text and I kind of was um it uh one of things that I think both of you all say when in doubt go out um and there was a lot of doubt and I was like well um we're gonna go out you know anyway um and I remember one of Gary's presentations was uh the pictures of all the different profiles and we were supposed to try and like match like which one was which guy and of course we were all wrong um but you know it just kind of like hit home like you know you can't really just go by the person's profile and the person who has like the most immaculate profile is probably a player because you know this is like what they do. Exactly and and Kip has children so he didn't want to have his pictures of his children and so he had these interesting like cropped um photos that you know in hindsight I could see like his son's hair like at the you know the corner of it. But at the time I was just like what's going on these are weird pictures. But there's just something about it that's a little bit off.

SPEAKER_04 25:36

Um so um yeah but it was you know but I but you know I was like okay we'll you know when in doubt go out um and our first date ended up it no this is where I deviated from this depth in the first debt uh first date ended up being four hours long um so okay love it that's why we don't have rules here at love strategies we have principles and principles are easily broken when you meet the right person right sometimes when you know you know yeah yeah one of the things that you said in there that I I just want to highlight because I think it applies to so many of our listeners is just being a type A kind of person successful, it can be really a barrier to dating in many ways.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

But there's also lots of opportunities to leverage those qualities to make the dating process better, which is you know how you're describing like, and I love this because I'm a scheduler too. It's like I scheduled myself time to go on the apps and I had a little alarm that went off. And it's like I I'm just a big believer that if it's not on your calendar it's not a priority. And I think it's just a really smart way to do all this. And then you mentioned just about the the idea of having accountability partners and you know just I think so much of dating is hard, but it gets a whole lot easier when you have a big support system around you. And I think that really makes all the difference just having other people who are kind of going through the same thing like you said a fellow business owner in a small town it can feel very lonely like you're the only one with these issues but then you start meeting other people it's like oh wait you feel this way too it's not just me. And that's just such an important hurdle to get over because it it's a very freeing experience. So I I'm really happy that you highlighted that.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

Yeah I think it's awful yeah right yeah I agree and before we bring Kip in because we're going to introduce him to the group he is dun dun dun I would just love to hear from your perspective was there anything about love strategies and and the coaching we do because we offer a lot we have the little love steps we have masterminds we have the ability to meet other clients we have our community um we have events like was there anything in particular you know it might be multiple might just be one that was like was helpful for you to ultimately meet Kip just in hindsight looking back um well I think definitely the retreats I'm the type of person that in order for me to not think about work um you need to physically take me out of my location put me in a different like location um where I've made arrangements for my patients and my team um because I had to and I get to really just immerse myself in just focusing on me and like kind of what I need.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

Because I I think that some of the things that were said at the retreat were probably said you know on several of the other like recordings and things of that nature but I'm you know driving and listening to the recording or I'm you know doing this. Um and even though I try to focus like I'm usually doing some other things. And so it at the retreat it was really like you know phone is down staff knew unless somebody is actively dying um don't bother me.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

I remember you said that to me once at a retreat you're like do not call me unless there's death involved don't call me and I'm like wow that's commitment.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

So uh yeah so like they they knew leave all their questions for this block of time when I was going to connect with them. But um that that really allowed me to just be fully present and really kind of just to soak in um and just you know again to have that time and then to talk to other like amazing women like I was blown away by the ladies who are that were in the room. I think when I went up there I had this kind of negative thought about like oh this is going to be so sad um this you know this event and it was you know the opposite like um women who are just like killing it in every area of their life and there's just this one area that they want to grow in. And um yeah it was you know phenomenal and I learned a lot from them and it was really cool to go in um the fall to my first one and then come back you know I guess it was springish and to actually you know be like a mentor then uh which I never saw happening.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

So um and to be able to like encourage some people who you know I could I could you know let them know about some just all the you know the devastating the stories that I had I've been entertaining my married friends for years um with my dating stories and um you know just to be able to kind of like connect with them then and then be like you know and now I'm I'm I'm in a relationship and it's um it's actually moving you know I remember um both of you and I was like describing things on like the one of the weekly coaching check-in calls and you were telling me that oh it's gonna move to this next step and I was like no it's not and then um you're like oh my gosh like it did um you know I remember especially like when he asked me to be like basically to be exclusive and I had never had someone ask me that um but I wasn't I was pacing um and so like I was you know you know very interested in him but didn't stop like meeting people and you know connecting and so um that was the first time I'd ever like approach it that way um and yeah so the the retreats definitely love that love that well should we bring in the main man kip let's see is he ready nearby let's bring him in Kip welcome there he is hey guys thank you so much for agreeing to do this we're so excited to have you and uh you know obviously Delicia was just telling us her story but we'd love to hear from you maybe your experience when you first meet met Delicia and I don't know what stood out to you about her like what what was that experience like for you yeah uh well we had our first date uh at um at a restaurant here in Smyrna Beach and it was really really beautiful setting and when she walked in uh there was just like a glow about her and when I gave her a hug to introduce myself uh it just really felt like uh really warm and welcoming and then when we sat down and started talking it was really comfortable right off the bat and I'm not sure why that was but here we are and and uh it was definitely uh meant to be for us to connect because we hadn't talked uh on the phone at all and there was really no reason for it to be that comfortable right off the bat but it was oh I love that I love that Gary I'm sure you have some questions but I have one that I know it's like burning inside of me because we have so our entire audience is women and we have an opportunity for a guy who is dating I would love to hear just briefly like from a guy's perspective what was it like for you getting out there and dating I don't want to digress too much but it would be I think really interesting for our audience to hear you know when you're single to meeting Delicia. Yeah uh yeah and for me it was tough because I was um going through a divorce so the dating scene for me was uh I would say a little bit discouraging but also it wasn't necessarily my top priority it was something that I was doing because I wanted to be in a relationship but I also wanted to get back out there and connect with folks uh specifically for my my kids because I wanted them to be able to experience like a loving relationship and have um something resembling a traditional family uh with with what would be a blended family. And so for me it was definitely discouraged it was a lot of time on the apps to kind of figure out like who you know who could be a good fit. I was on yeah a lot of different apps but it was also very new to me because I had been uh in a relationship for like 10 years so it was like the app world was a little bit uh foreign to me uh in terms of my experience but yeah it was discouraging I I wasn't really able to find anyone geographically close either which was a big deal breaker for me because I couldn't go far because of my kids so uh so it was challenging just in in in the space to try to find people that were nearby uh and yeah it was a lot of time and effort for sure definitely I love hearing all of this because I think it's such an important perspective for women who like Adam says make makes up most of our audience everything you just described Kip are the same experiences that women have and I think it's easy to forget that men are having the exact same experiences and frustrations and confusions and I haven't done this in 10 years because I've been it's like all the same challenges and I think it's so easy and it it's such a cheap thing to do in dating is to pit men against women.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

And it's like we're but it's like everyone's actually experiencing many of the same things. And it's just it's like a really important thing that I it's like I know Adam and I can say this but it's like that's why I was so excited I said at the top I was so excited to have like a fiance on like it's our you're our very first fiance on the show, which I I think is amazing.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Yep. So many in the past but we we it's uh it but it rare to get someone actually on the show which is amazing you know so we're so grateful to have you to share this.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Yeah and I think you know the other piece of it is I think it's can be hard for women while they're dating and they're struggling and they're dealing with many of the same things you dealt with to believe that there are good men out there. And it's so nice to hear how you describe the first meeting because this is something else that we say is like good men, high character men you know what they're looking for it's not like cheap hookups and all that stuff. You said a very important word it's the word that we encourage all the time which is you said when I hug I just felt warm warmth. And it's like that warmth is of what connection is about and like so many of our listeners don't believe that guys like you kip exist out in the world and so it's it's nice to have you know living breathing proof um on on the podcast. So I I so appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 36:16

I just really do it's amazing it's amazing so I I would love to ask you both a question since you are engaging congratulations we're so excited for you um I would love to hear we'll maybe we'll start with Kip and then we'll go Delicia when did you know that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with like was there something that happened or was it just something like what is that healthy relate you were looking for a healthy relationship when did you know you found it what did you see? What did you feel?

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Well if I'm honest it's kind of gonna sound a little bit weird but when I had a vision about her from her picture like when we before we met I just like saw it going really well and then obviously that's a little bit like wild and I didn't put too much stock in that I was just like that that was the vision that I had though and then when I met her and uh at the end of the four hour date where we like you know dinner walk on the beach and uh and had a little kiss like it was it was it felt it felt like electric to me there was like an immediate connection and so I would say on the first date like I was very optimistic and hopeful that I could have love in my life and and she showed me that I could have that and so uh turns out she she is the one and and it was from the first date for me. Wow men fall in love faster than women it's interesting there's study after study shows that women always people always assume that women fall in love first but it's that's how I felt with my wife frankly you know first date it definitely she didn't feel that way the first date as far as I'm aware so I get that when you know you know right it's like so Kip did are you always a four hour first date kind of guy no no that's not typical and and especially um you know if I'm being frank a lot of times if if it did go that long the the date went different a different direction um if it went that long and uh and this was just like this conversation like getting to know each other and and again it felt really comfortable it didn't feel like we're like timing like we didn't realize it was four hours until the date was over right and it went by fast and we kind of tell that story because it's an important you know people I don't think people typically have a four hour first date and it all felt very natural and so okay we had dinner now let's we'll have a drink here let's walk on the beach and it it felt really comfortable so no I wouldn't say typical four hour date good so did you find that Delicia was dating did she feel like she was dating differently than other women perhaps I think early on when we you know I think she we you know we had some conversations pretty early on about like honest conversations about kind of what she wanted and what she expected uh in in dating and I thought that was pretty like open and honest pretty soon I think that was like on our second or third I think our third date we had that conversation. She set the ground rules for you she's like this is exactly like this is why I'm dating right like this is this and and it didn't it didn't frighten me um and it it it encouraged me that she was being honest and open about it. And so yeah it was pretty soon and that that was kind of what I noticed in terms of how she was dating differently is that she was honest and open about what she was looking to for from dating and why she was dating.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Right right okay let's switch to Delicia weren't was there something for you when you kind of you did you have a moment where you knew that this was your guy and you were going to start really building a life together or what kind of came comes to mind when you think about that it was not immediate um actually Sarah my coach she because I had a session with her that day and she was like do you have any plans for Valentine's Day and I was like no and I was like oh yeah I actually do um I actually have a date um I guess I should wear red and um she was like I have a feeling about this and I was like well that's great I have no feelings um but um I like that you have them oh coach Sarah yeah so and then she and she'd had a feeling about like somebody else who ended up you know with with the you know that guy as well so um yeah trust her feelings but um the first the first date I remember you know you know walking in and he was already at the table and you know he stood up and he's he's six five so he's you know he kept standing up and and um so I was kind of like whoa um but then like the look in his eyes just extremely warm it actually reminded me of my big brother not in like a weird way but um like in just kind of like I'm safe. And so that's really what struck me and I think um just the I think you always say consistency over time. And so um just seeing how consistent he was uh as far as like you know initiating um dates, you know, he's very, very active in his kids' life and but you know not making me feel like I was on the back burner um you know even though there's um I think was it Taekwondo or jujitsu. Jiu Jitsu yeah um so like all the tournaments that were you know far away and you know all those things. Um so it was really it was consistency over time and I remember because I didn't know that he was you know going to church or anything like that. And I was having conversation with him late at night because early on you know basically it was after the kids went to sleep that we would to communicate and you know I'm just talking and and he mentioned he's like oh yeah I'm you know taking my kids to church and I like sat bolt upright um just like wait and he's a believer no um and so that was when you know I was kind of like okay like this this actually might you know things are lining up and I had him meet some of my friends pretty early on and they went in on him um yeah those are some of the toughest tests ever the friend the friend meet yeah uh yeah like they and they're some of them were business consultants as well so yeah it was you know they're like we we're not messing around uh and they were both they were like um we really were trying not to like him but we really like him that's actually in some some ways the best way to approach it is like we were trying not to like him and he went he turned us that's fantastic.

SPEAKER_04 43:03

Yeah I love it. I love it. Well this was such a beautiful story I really appreciate you sharing all of this. I think just as a final question we can just throw it out to both of you and then we'll close up would just be what advice would you all have for women out there who are in a similar position to you, Delicia, you know, before all this frustrated discouraged like what words of encouragement would you have for all those women out there who might not believe in themselves enough to try this um really never give up you know if it's something that you really know that you want and you know don't be afraid to try something different try something new and you know invest in yourself and in that you know that possibility of having what you actually want I'm still blown away like I still can't really bel I mean I believe it um but it's uh it's amazing to me that that this is actually happening for me.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Um so yeah don't give up yeah and I I would say to piggyback off of that just don't put men in a box too early on and that box be like I'm not talking to them because upon hearing her perception of like my profile and some of the bits of my profile that um that probably would have put me a box before she was kind of getting advice from you guys uh would have meant that we never met right and so I think yeah don't give up and be open to what may at first not seem appealing because you don't know what's inside that package.

SPEAKER_04 44:39

So I love it. Thank you so much that means more to Gary and I than ever that uh that you all found each other, met each other and building a healthy relationship. So bottom of my heart, thank you so much for taking this time and inspiring others. You guys are great.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

Yeah thank you thank you both like Adam and I say all the time we love love. And it's like hearing a like a love story and then seeing you both just sitting there like holding hands and like smiling from ear to ear together. It's just like oh this is this is why we do what we do. So thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 45:13

Really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Cass.