SPEAKER_00 0:00

In today's podcast, we're going to be talking about the five ways that successful smart women overlook the good guys out there because they do exist. Gary, we were just talking before we started, and we were talking about how many times have we heard from our clients or women that we work with I only attract narcissists, I only attract losers, I only attract guys with financial problems. That's before they start working with us. Gary, how many times have we heard that? And what is just give everyone your initial response to that one? Welcome to the Love Strategies Podcast, where we help successful women attract high-value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Ladolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

It's funny because we were just talking about this. And I said just this week, one of our clients on a mastermind is like, you know what my problem is, Dr. Gary? It's I only attract narcissists. And she barely got the word out, but I'm like, you're wrong. You're wrong. It's just not true. You're it's just not true, right? It's like, it's not that I only, you're not a magnet. You don't have this tractor beam for all these terrible partners. The fact is, all these guys are out there. There are guys out there who are perfectly fantastic. You're just not paying attention to them. You're not noticing them, you're not giving them a chance. And that's really what we're talking about today is like how to give the good guys a chance. Because the good guys, they're gonna do some things that are a little imperfect, they're gonna mess up along the way, but it's like, let's not reject them too fast.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

I just hate the dating advice online that's totally framed on what are the types of guys you're attracting? Oh, I only attract these types of guys. And I'm like, wrong. You're choosing these guys. Yeah, like it because when you say I'm only attracting, it's now in a framing of disempowerment. It's kind of a victim mindset, like, oh, these guys are just magically appearing into my life. All men are this way. And here's the bitter truth like you have a choice, you have a decision as to who you allow in your life. Not all men are narcissists, not all men are losers. Now, if we're drawn to those guys and we're choosing those guys, okay, great. Now we can make different decisions. It puts the power in your life. Like now you are the owner of your situation. So yeah, it's just such an important framing as we get into this podcast today.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

And don't get me wrong, I mean, some guys are super rejectable. Like some guys are super easy next, and that's all great. But it's, you know, one of the other most common things that we hear is there are no men in my area, right? And it's like we can't, you know, fly into where you live and populate the area with a bunch of great guys. And the great thing is they don't need to because they're already there. It's just a matter of making sure that you're not filtering them out, right? We're gonna help you with this podcast today have clearer standards, not lower ones, clearer, so that you know what you're looking for and you you know the good ones when you see them. Because here's the thing: I guarantee you, every woman listening to this podcast today, there is a man currently already in your life that would date you that you're not giving any attention to. You have at least one, at least every single one of you has at least one guy. Think about it, he's around and you're just not noticing him.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

The man of your dreams is in your world somewhere. He exists, whether you're walking in the supermarket, whether it's at a party, whether it's going out with friends, whether it's at your pickleball club, he exists. But if our filtering is off, then we are going to very quickly say, NYX, move on, and set our attention in a different place. So let's spend a couple minutes just talking about filters because there are low quality filters, there are filters that are not empowering you in your love life, and then there are high quality filters. So I'll start with just what I consider to be the low quality, and then maybe Gary, you could talk about the high quality. Low quality filters are focused on very superficial qualities about a person, whether it's their looks, their heights, their muscles, their muscles, how jacked are they? And and look, I mean, look, most of the people I like how you flexed right there.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

I just for anybody on the video, like I like how you flexed.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

It was nice. Or lack thereof. Um, I would be filtered out pretty quickly, I think, by uh some of our clients. But it like, look, we want you to be attracted to the man you're with. But if we have, for example, your filters, he must be six feet tall. Just do the math, look at the statistics on the percentage of men who are six feet tall. That's a very low quality filter from my standpoint because you're only going to get about 14% of the population. I believe for those who are going to fact-check me, I believe it's about 14% are six feet tall or higher. Um, things like another example might be social signaling, guys who are really good at signaling their status. They have that expensive watch. They're the type of guy who shows up to the restaurant and buys everyone a drink and is willing to pull out his black card and spend $300. Um, or just general like chemistry right off the bat, the types of guys who are really bad, like you might filter out men who aren't great at first impressions. Like they're not able to just come up to you and immediately sweep you off your feet. And what I'll tell you is that many of the best guys, the guys that our clients will marry, are the guys who are maybe at first glance, when they first come up to you, maybe not the smoothest in the world, but they have a lot of character. They're really good guys. And I will tell you, just like I used to coach men on how to get out there and flirt with all of you. The guys who are best at flirting with all of you out there have gotten good at it because they practice it a lot. They do it a lot. They're talking to so it's cheap. It's not the right type of filter. So, yeah, those are some of the low quality filters. Any others, Gary, that come to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah, I mean, I think anything that's low quality is anything that doesn't relate to long-term relationship success, right? So it's like, you know, a lot of those things you're describing, some of the chemistry and the expensive watches and the muscle, it's all nice to have, but it's not gonna actually help you have a better relationship. And that's why, like those quick and easy stereotypes, they're they're based on limited information. And it's frankly where bad decisions are born. And so what we really want to do is focus on the high quality things. And high quality comes down to let's focus on the guy's character. Who is he as a person? Because that's a long-term relationship feature, right? How does he show up consistently over time? Is he good at forming emotional connections? Is he willing to be vulnerable? Is he willing to show respect? Is he good at communicating? Can he, has he listened? Does he have high integrity? Is he supportive? Is does he comfortably take a leadership role? Now, all that's harder to figure out. You can't figure that out from a profile, can't figure that out even on the very first date. Takes a little time, takes a lot of curiosity, takes some patience. Um, and but that's where good decisions come from. And good decisions, there's two types of good decisions: getting rid of the wrong guy and saying yes to the right guy. And so sometimes we forget, we think it's all about just find the right one and say yes. It's like, no, no, saying no to the wrong guys is also a huge win. And so, what we want to make sure today is that you're not filtering out the good guys because that's a really big mistake because it's it's actually cutting you twice, right? The good ones are the ones we want to embrace. So let's make sure we're better at noticing them.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Garrett, I mean, you're you're a psychologist, you're our token PhD year at Love Strategies. Um maybe you could back me up on the statement I'm about to make or not, or correct me. But humans are basically very lazy. We're very lazy in that we put people in buckets very quickly. We make quick decisions on people within anywhere from like one to 30 seconds. We're deciding whether we like a person or we don't. And the challenge with that is it's the wrong type of filter many times, right? Is that is that fair to say, Gary?

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Yeah. I mean, we call it in psychology, we call people are cognitive misers. Which is you just kind of conserve your mental energy.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Definitely, definitely. So we put people in different buckets and we're like, next, next, next, next. Ooh, he's kind of cute. It's nice. Let's just do that. Next, ooh, ooh, but then three months later, they're like, Oh my god, why do I do this? Why do I keep attracting this horrible narcissist? It's like, well, let's take a look at the initial filtering. So here's a few ways that we have seen having coached tens of thousands of some of the most successful and smart women on the planet on how to find love. Here's some ways that you might be filtering out the wrong men. The first one, and this is a big one, is that his profile pictures might suck a little bit. I hate to say, excuse the language for those of you who think suck is a curse word. His profile pictures might not be the best in the world, but if we met him in real life, oh my God, he could be an incredible guy. Gary, what do you think about this?

SPEAKER_01 9:13

We hear this all the time. It's it's you want to get clients going on a mastermind complaining about something where they all kind of band together. It's like, you just got to say, How about those men's profile pictures? And then it's like, oh my gosh, right? Bad photos, weird angles, group shots. You can't tell who he is. He's got photos in the bathroom, he's got photos in the gym mirror, he's got photos inside his car, he's got photos next to some car, may not even be his car, right? And the client's number one favorite picture that guys take that they all hate are the dead animal selfie. Oh, get some. Look at this animal I shot. Look at this animal I caught in a lake. Like, look at this thing. And it's just like a guy smiling, he's all grubby looking, he's butt next to the lake with a big old trout next to him, maybe a bass, and he's just like, yeah. And it's not appealing to women. But here's here's the thing. Here's the reality. Reality number one, guys are not great at marketing themselves. Reality number two, guys don't have a lot of pictures of themselves. I remind women of this all the time is like a lot of the pictures they have is they're out with friends and their friends like, oh, let me take a picture. Or you can ask, as a woman, you can ask your friends, take a picture of me. This does not exist in guys' world, right? Adam, I can't imagine being out of my guy friends, like, hey, bro, take a picture.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Dude, the amount of oh my God, the amount of pain that would be inflicted on me if I said that to my group of friends. I'm like, hey guys, I need some online dating profile pictures. I want to get out there. I need some thirst traps. I'll be taking some pictures. Oh my God. It would be like two months of just making fun of me. That's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

It wouldn't just be that day. You would hear about this for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Oh, Adam, how's your online dating profile going, man? Are those pictures doing you any good?

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Oh, yeah, male friends would be anytime you're doing anything. You want a picture? Hey, you want a picture? And you just so guys don't have this. And so, you know, here's the other reality it's the guy who has really good pictures and is really good at marketing himself, he's actually more problematic. The one that, you know, you want this guy with his amazing profile and all these great pictures, but it's like, I don't know, the guy who has spent a lot of time crafting his online profile and putting all of his energy into this. Why is he doing that? What else is he not doing? How does he have so much time to do this? Why does he care so much? And so, as much as I get that our clients and many of you listening to this, hate it when a guy's profile is like two sentences barely. He's got one or two pictures, and it's like, oh gosh, did he even try? Well, maybe, just maybe some of him not trying isn't such a bad thing. Because do we really want him to be like an Instagram boyfriend? Where it's like, you know, he's like super into like no lower, lower angle for this. Oh, golden hour, let's go. Like it's like we don't want that necessarily. And so, you know, careful, careful.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Being good at online dating has zero correlation with being good at relationships. Being bad at online dating has zero correlation with being bad at relationships. Okay, zero might be strong, but it's a very slight correlation. And it's really, really important for us to just remember that we're not trying to find a guy who's good at online dating. We're trying to find a guy who is great at relationships. And the way to learn that is in real life, casting a wide net and seeing who's great. Because one thing that the majority of our clients who end up in a long-lasting relationship or married to their forever person, the thing that they have in common is that the profile picture that they saw, they were like, I'm not so sure. And then one of our coaches, myself, Gary, one of Robin, any of our coaches are like, give it a shot. Then they show up, he smiles, he smells good, and then maybe touches her on the arm, and they're like, Oh my god, this guy is so cute. You know, like it's just completely different. And then all the imagery you have from his online dating profile, it melts away. It doesn't matter. He's gonna delete it shortly thereafter, anyways. And it doesn't matter. So let it go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Um, here's the thing what what you're missing with a lot of this, I think, in filtering out the the wrong, the wrong guys, right? Because they're good, is bad presentation, bad marketing doesn't mean it's a bad product, just means he's bad at marketing. And a guy who's too good at online dating, that's not terribly masculine anyway. And something Adam just said is really worth saying again, which is you're not looking for someone who's good at online dating. You're looking for someone who's good at relationships. That is huge, like write that down. Like that is, you're not looking for someone who's good at online dating. You're looking for someone who's good at relationships. They are not necessarily the same skill set. So make sure you you're filtering on the right things.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

All right, Gary, let's get to number two, which is like one of the biggest pain points in my experience, having coached women over a decade on how to find love, is when a guy shows up on the date and all he does is talk about himself and talk about his work. Right, Gary, how often do we hear about that? It's like he shows up and within a couple of minutes he asks you what you do, just in order for you to ask him what he does. And before you know it, he's talking about his TPS report, how he saved the day, his annoying colleagues, how they're not doing anything and how much money he makes, or how many sales he's made, or how much. Oh my God, how annoying is this? Like, I can't even imagine. Like, sometimes I try to put myself in the shoes of our clients because I'm I'm a guy, I'm in my 40s. Typically, our clients are in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, and they're women. And I try to experience feel feel the experience that they're going through. And I can't fully relate because I've never been on a date with a guy. I admit it, I haven't, but man, oh man, that must be so painful. And like, I gotta say, like, is this a red flag? Is it a red flag? Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. Is it annoying, Gary? Definitely, definitely, definitely annoying, but isn't it? Is it an automatic next?

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Not so fast. Yeah, you can't do it. You can't just automatically next the guy who talks too much. Because here's the reality he's probably nervous. What do you do when you're nervous? What do guys do when they're nervous? They talk a lot. What do they talk a lot about? Things they know well. He knows his work very, very well. So he's gonna talk a lot about that. It's an easy thing to talk about. The reality number two, the thing that scare scares guys guys the most on those first dates, silence. Because he knows that's bad. And so if he's talking, he's safe from the silence, right? Number three, he thinks you want to know that he's got a job, that he's successful, that he can earn money, and that he's responsible. So he's sharing a lot about that. Here's the thing he's not wrong. He's not wrong. You do want to know those things, not in the excruciating detail that he's giving you, but you do generally want to know that. And the fourth reality is this has worked before. And then this is not only with this guy's talking too much, but this has worked before. It's like when you ask yourself, why do guys do whatever that blank is, whatever that thing is, it comes down to basic psychology. Behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated. And so what he's doing is something that another person he dated at some point reacted to very positively. Maybe he's overdoing it, maybe he overlearned this very specific stimulus, but it's not an accident. And so, what you just got to make sure you're not missing is that one data point is not the pattern. This is one date. Go on the second date. The second date, he should be a lot more confident. He knows you like him because otherwise you wouldn't have given him a second date. This should solve most of the issues. If it doesn't, like now, now it might be more of a red flag. But the other piece of this, and I I the feedback I give to clients all the time is one of the tools you need in your first date toolkit is just the ability to cut them off. Right? And it's just as simple as like you reach a car, you touch them, and they're like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Like, I just realized like I'm making you do all the talking, and I'm sure you have questions for me that you're dying to ask. What would you like to know?

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Magic. Magic. I love it. I love it. Or even just say, like, look, if you the thing is a lot of clients will say, or just women I speak to, they'll say that like the day turned into work talk, but they're just as guilty as the guy is. And like, look, so it depends on the situation. I get that, but they can be just as guilty of like talking about work and their accomplishments and so on and so forth. But if you find yourself in that trap, just be like, you know what? I feel like I talk about work all day. Let's talk about something more fun. Like, tell me, if you had your perfect weekend, what would you do? Just redirect the whole conversation. You can do that at any time, and guess what? You're gonna find that the whole conversation just goes in a great in a great direction, and you're gonna walk away feeling great about it, and he's gonna walk away feeling great about it. So, with all that said, one thing that I have for our podcast listeners is a very, very special seminar that I think will really help you understand men why it is that we do what we do, why men pull away at the earliest signs of commitment, and how it is that you can really filter for the highest character and highest caliber men out there. This seminar is called the male mind map. And if you head on over to malemindmap.com, that's a mouthful. Uh, that gives you the opportunity to watch the seminar. It's completely free. I'm gonna really talk a lot about my experience of when I used to coach the highest caliber men on the planet, how to meet you ladies. Um, and I think you're gonna enjoy it a lot. So, again, malemindmap.com. We'll leave a link in the description as well.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Gary, take us to number three. All right. So, number three reason why you may reject a good guy too quickly is he's not smooth or particularly charismatic. He's got no game, he's got no witty banter. He fumbles his words, he can't land a joke, he just he sits across from you and he just isn't super charming. He's he's kind of dull. He's not smooth. And here's the reality we've we've mentioned this a little bit already, but you know, those guys that are super smooth on the first date, here's how you get that smooth. You practice a lot, and so him not being smooth may not be the red flag that you think it is, right? Number two, I and I love this. If he's a little awkward, you know what that shows you? He's authentic. Awkwardness is authenticity, and we want authenticity. So all that awkwardness that you're like, uh, I don't know, ick maybe, right? You you know he's being authentic, like he's not running a system on you, he's not be you know, giving you a great performance. This is who he is. Now, here's the great news first dates are the hardest. He should get better. If he doesn't get better, now you know something else. But it's like if he starts off just a little not great, okay, the floor is in. We you set the lowest threshold, um, and like we can see where he goes from there. And it should only be up. Now, you also have to ask yourself, do you want do you want charm or do you want character? Because they're not the same thing. You know, a lot of not so great guys can be super charming, but keeping up high character consistently over time, it's impossible if you're not high character. And so, again, we don't want to get good at online dating or short-term dating. We don't want to optimize for that. We want to get good at long-term relationships. And so we want to make sure we're focusing on character as the relationship skill.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Yeah. Like if you if you could only choose one, and luckily we don't always have to make this choice, but if you could only choose one, charm or character, what would you choose? And I'm saying this to the to the audience, Gary, not to you. Oh, okay. Okay, oh well, you would choose. But what would you choose? And be honest with yourself. What have you been choosing? Right. And if we really take a look at our dating history, I'm willing to bet the men that we are drawn to are the guys who are very, very charming. And then we learn later that they have little to no character. What if we could go into dating with a new frame, which is charm is great, it's a cherry on top, but what I'm really looking for is character. And that is like the 95% of my focus when I'm getting that. That's gonna dictate all the questions that I ask. That's gonna dictate my behavior throughout all this. It's gonna dictate what red flags I'm looking for, what red flags I will not accept, the green flags I'm looking for. It's a framing that we have. And this is why at the very beginning of this podcast, we were so strong about you don't attract the wrong men. We choose the wrong men. Because it's just a way of looking at the world. What are we focusing all of our attention on? And you can do this. Every single one of you can do this if we just prioritize character over charm.

unknown 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

I mean, so many on our first dates, you know, the thing that you're missing is we evaluate first date quality based on how much were we delighted, how much were we amused, how much did we feel giddy and fun? I mean, and those are all great things, but they're all the bonus. What you're really looking for, if you're looking for long-term fulfilling, committed relationships, as so many of our clients are, is this guy authentic? Is he genuine? Is he real? Is you're looking for a real relationship? Is this man real? And so you just have to realize like a bad first impression doesn't mean he's a bad person. Just means, you know, if he's he's nervous and he's not sure, it actually just means he cares how this goes and he's not well practiced enough to make sure it goes well. And so, you know, just make sure you're optimizing for the for the right thing. Um, so that brings us to number four. Number number four reason you reject good guys, he's interested in you, which makes him not mysterious enough. Right? Like this guy texts when he says he's gonna text. He makes plans and he follows through. He checks up on you, he tells you that he had a good time and he means it. He doesn't make you guess. And somehow, because he's done all these things, you're a little less intrigued, you're a little less interested because he's so interested. And so it I saw this thing online recently where it was somebody like looking for some advice, and where this guy texts a woman before the first date to let him know that he's going hiking for a few hours with friends in a place that doesn't have good cell reception. And so, not for her not to worry when she doesn't hear from him or if he doesn't respond. Like basically, like, oh, she might be expecting a pre-date check-in. This is my predate check-in because for the next four to five hours, I'm gonna basically be off the grid. I'm just letting you know. Oh my gosh, is this a good move? It's a great move. In theory, yeah. It's like it's open, clear communication. This is literally exactly what you want. But I'm online, and of course I'm intrigued by this because I know what the right answer is. But then people are chiming in. Guess what they're saying? Toxic, red flag, needy. I mean, people are in all caps, ick, ick, ick. It's just like, oh my gosh, I feel so bad for the people that are relying on this kind of information to make dating decisions.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Because that's actually surprising that people would be so open about that, giving them the ick. Because it, you know, this never ceases to amaze me. When I first started working with women, I my first couple clients, when I'd asked them what they want in a man, what they're looking for, that's one of the first questions I would ask. They would almost always say, I want a guy who tells me how he feels about me. I want a guy who shows interest, who's very consistent and reliable. And in the back of my mind, Gary, I'd always be like, B S. Like, seriously, it because I used to coach men for so long who I had to really help them dial that back a bit because they were coming on so strong, they were so honest, they were so open, they were like too forward that it was actually giving women the ick. But my experience has been with back to your your point, my experience with women is always has generally been that women will say that they want a guy like that until they get a guy like that, and then they're turned off by it. Yeah. Right? It's like it's a real conundrum.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

And it it's it's problematic because I'm not sure everybody even realizes that they're doing this, right? And the reality is, yeah, I think so much of dating has trained our nervous systems backwards. Where you know, you've dated a bunch of people who ran hot and cold, and that unpredictability, like that uncertainty, feels like attraction, it feels like excitement. And that seems like that's what dating is supposed to be. But it's like, is it because we want long-term relationships, and you know what's great in long-term relationships? Consistency, predictive, it's lit predictability. It's literally why we have long-term relationships. And so we just want to make sure we're focusing again on the right things. I think the other realities are when a guy's being this clear and communicating and being reliable and consistent, you're now gonna penalize them for good behavior. Like these are the very things that make someone a good long-term partner, right? The other thing is like games are easy. Being bad at texting, being bad at following through, like that's easy. That's any dope can do that. Consistency is rare and much harder, right? So very few are gonna show up in the way that you want. So when they do, like it's something to something to cherish. Because here's the thing that you're missing all that consistency, it's a sign of secure attachment. This is how secure people do things. They're trustworthy, they're reliable, they're consistent, they follow through because they expect their partners to follow through. And so, isn't that what we want? Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

And I think boring, Gary. Boring. And look, I should say, with my whole like little rant earlier, like, I understand why it's attractive to be dating someone where they are hot and cold. It's exciting, like it's really exciting. You don't know what's gonna happen next. You're not really sure if they like you or not. And as humans, we deeply want what we can't have. I mean, you know, like the it'll be like the guy who is like leaning in a lot, and then one day he's like, you know, and you're like, Ugh, I don't know, I'm not that into this guy. And then he tells you, you know what? I'm actually uh I started dating someone else, and you're like, no, no, why are you so bad? Like, it's just part of the human experience. And so, my whole point with all this, and I think your point is as well, is like, let's not follow that initial intuition, which says, like, ugh, ick, he's showing up, like he's a little bit too needy. Like, push push that down a little bit. Let's just see how this guy kind of lands in the end. Because again, some of these really good high character men, yeah, they might be a little bit more forward than you're used to, and that's uncomfortable for you. But push through that a little bit because that is what is going to land you in a great relationship with a guy who is consistent, but you got to push through that like initial, like, oh, this is just feeling a little bit too consistent, a little bit too boring.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Well, you want this. This is actually what you want. And so the thing that really gets sorted about this is if you're finding that a man's clear interest makes you less interested, that's your pattern that you need to fix. It's not about him. And so rejecting him only leaves your bad pattern, and it is a bad pattern, it leaves it intact. And so the guy who's super consistent, if you're uncomfortable with it, rather than rejecting him, lean into this because he sounds very secure, and that might help you yourself become more secure and get out of a bad pattern.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Definitely. And then I think the final one, I love this one, Gary. When I saw this in the Docket Notes, I was like, let's go. This is brilliant stuff. So, you know what? Let's let you introduce this because I can't take credit for this. This is so good. Jump in.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

So, number five, here's the reason why you're letting these great guys go and you don't see them. It's because you're comparing every one of these great guys to the highlight human that doesn't exist. And what I mean by the highlight human, it's the collection of every guy you've ever known, every guy you've ever dated, but only the good parts of each one individually, all kind of smooshed together as if it all fits into one person, right? So the guy you're with that that's kind of into your he's solid, he's good, he checks a lot of boxes, but he's not quite as funny as your ex. He's not as ambitious as the guy from two years ago, he's not as spontaneous as some some guy at work. So you're creating this really tough metrics to make sure that this really great guy is sitting right in front of you, he fails every time.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

He doesn't have as much energy in the bedroom as that guy from 20 years ago, you know? Like, like, I mean, it's just ridiculous. And the thing is, the older we get when we're in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond, our highlight reel only gets longer. It just gets longer and longer. We have memories that we can pluck every single perfect part of every past relationship, forgetting all the terrible parts of that person as well. By the way, it's very easy to do that. I'm sure you could talk about the psychology of that, but it's very, very easy to forget all the negative crap that came along with a guy who might be absolutely hilarious, but also even emotionally unstable. Um, and so before we know it, once we're in our 50s and 60s, our standards become completely impossible to be achieved in one human being, right? It's like I want a man who's extremely masculine, but also just as sensitive as my first boyfriend, who by the way turned out to be gay, right? Like it's like just throwing a little spicy take on that. You know what I'm saying? It's like you can't have it all, and it creates this impossible standard for any guy to achieve as we get older.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Yeah, you mean you can have anything, you can't have everything. And the highlight human that you're putting together, this highlight real man doesn't exist. And real people cannot compete with imaginary ones. It's it's just unfair to ask anybody. And here's the thing about how memory works, and Adam already touched on this, but it's you're wrong. You're wrong about your memory of some of these people, and you're cherry-picking the good stuff, you're conveniently forgetting all the bad stuff, you're probably over-exaggerating some of the good qualities, like, oh, this guy did it, he was the most charming man. Was he? Or was he just kind of an ass who got away with it because he was good looking? Right? Like those things can both be true, but it's like, how are you telling your story? And a lot of it optimizes on the wrong dimensions, and it you're just focusing on the wrong things. You're giving, you know, like that charm and the wit, and like it's easy to notice stuff. And so you might be giving a lot of credit to past partners on those things and discounting this perfectly great guy in front of you because he's not as charming and witty, right, on the first date. To which I would say, so what? So what? Because what really matters is the best partners are consistent where accounts, they're kind, they're honest, they're reliable, right? Instead of asking, is this guy everything I've ever wanted in my entire life? Does he meet my love vision? Does he meet the four, five, six, seven qualities that are the most important to me for having a good long-term relationship? And like, let's focus on the things that really matter and leave the rest to imperfection, which is delightful because it's human.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Amen. So, for those of you who are listening who are like, I have always had a bad picker. I've always struggled with filtering the wrong types of guys, and I seem to push away the wrong, the right types of guys. I'm just, I just can't seem to choose the right guys. Well, that's what we do around here with our clients. We have an entire support system uh where we will guide you step by step through your love journey. We give you strategies that you can use, a step-by-step strategy. We have online masterminds. We have this incredible support group of other clients who you can become best friends with. We have an entire relationship intelligence suite that where you can get 24-7 answers to any of your questions. We have accountability coaches that will work with you one-on-one to really guide you through this so that we can really guide you towards the arms of the right types of guys. And if that's something that sounds right for you, you're at a stage where you're like, you know what? I am done repeating old patterns. I'm ready to move forward with the right type of strategy, the right type of approach. That's what we do around here. And I would really encourage you to take the next step, which is scheduling what we call a love strategy session. So if you head on over to loveapply.com or click the link in the description where it says schedule your love strategy session, just fill out a few short questions. If we think it's a fit, we'll jump on a call with someone on my team who will speak with you directly, really understand your patterns, your vision for your life, where you want to go, and see whether or not we can really guide you there over the next six months. So go ahead, check that out, schedule your session right now. We only have a limited number of spots as the day of shooting this. And uh, Gary, this was a fantastic one. I really appreciate your time. And we'll speak to all of you beautiful ladies next week. All right. Thank you.