SPEAKER_01 0:00

You are truly the prize. And if he wants to be with you, he's he's with you, right? And and that's just such an important part of all this, is just realizing how much you really have to offer a relationship. And if you if you don't fix that core piece of it, you're gonna find yourself constantly chasing men in the wrong at the wrong times, the wrong places. Welcome to the Love Strategies Podcast, where we help successful women attract high-value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lagolche, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. All right, Gary, I've been at this game for over a decade, and I just happen to know, as do you at this point, that if you make any piece of content about why men pull away, women go nuts over it. I don't know why. Why do you think that's the case?

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Because it's it's they it's the everyone's biggest fear because you spend all this time and energy getting a relationship. You finally found somebody, and now it's like all that work, all that, all those apps, all that time, poof.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Yeah, just it's like the ultimate loss in control is when you just feel like that thing that you finally feel comfortable and secure in that relationship, that connection. And then out of nowhere, you're like, wait, what's happening? It's different, it's changing. Ah, what do I do?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

So I was what were you gonna say? I was just gonna say because now it's like it's not just like this hypothetical person, it's like something you actually know and something you actually care about. So now that you care about it, the loss of it is just that much more profound. And so the pain is potentially greater. And so that's why you're like, no, like come back. Like, don't I don't want to lose this.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Right, right. I was thinking back when we were talking about this discussing this topic. We have a client in the Love Accelerator Mastermind, and she's been single her entire life. I believe she's in her mid to late 40s. Don't quote me on that if you're listening to this uh client. I won't say your name, don't get mad at me. Uh, but I believe she's in mid to late 40s, and she's never been in a relationship before. And by following the little love steps, doing all the work, it's been about six to eight months of her being in the program. She finally met a man that she was into, and she's in the very first relationship of her life, but she came on a mastermind and something interesting happened. She was direct messaging me and chatting with you, and just kind of hitting us out and be like, What's happening? This guy is pulling away. How do I handle the situation? Like, just freak out mode, absolute freakout mode. So I asked the classic question, which is, Well, how long has it been since you've last talked? And she said, Well, it has been about two days. And I laughed and I said, Clients, it's going to be okay. I promise you. And I did that in a very non-condescending way because I get it. I felt that exact freak out, just what's happening? I remember when I was dating Jessica and I wouldn't hear from her for a day. And it's like all you can think about your mind just goes absolutely crazy. And that's really what we want to address today is that moment where you feel something slipping away, and we tend to make very rash decisions that can actually make a situation much worse. And I think by the end of this, you're gonna feel just so empowered if this ever happens to you, to make the right decision in that situation.

unknown 3:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Well, and I think, you know, if this ever happens to you, I think one of the things to realize is like this is going to happen in the sense that you are gonna reach a moment in your relationship where you feel like your partner isn't just as close, as readily available, as into you as they were before, because that's the natural progression of a relationship. And so it's it's bound to happen. And so I think that's the most important point to kind of get out of the way first is like, what does this mean? Everyone's like, what does it mean? What does it mean? It's possible. In fact, likely, it doesn't mean anything. It's just they're living their life, you're living your life, you're kind of getting into a routine, and it just doesn't mean anything. Like, we have such a need sometimes in life and in relationships to just infuse and extract meaning from everything our partner does. We can microanalyze every text they send or don't send. And it's like this is one of those times where it's like, maybe it just doesn't mean anything. Maybe this is it, this is like a wait and see kind of thing. And it's like, you know, hey, it's only been, I think it was like 46 hours or something. It was something crazy. It's like, wait another 12 hours, like sleep on it. And it's like, sure enough, the guy texted the next morning. I think it was.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

It's just like one of those things like lower the two a week, wait a week before we're gonna actually really extrapolate any major concern at this point. And a week is it's like it's like 10 years when you're in a new relationship and you're so excited, it just feels like so long. And I think that that's why it's so important to just remind yourself that we need to stay rational at the stage of our relationship. Once again, I I totally get it. We're all there because we don't want to lose it. So, Gary, walk walk us through some of the ideas that you have about what to do when a guy pulls away. I'd love to hear.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Yeah. So, I mean, first we said, you know, it's possible it doesn't mean anything, but then there's also times where like the guy actually is pulling away. It's not like the a like a minor texting thing. It's like there's actually like this feeling like you're feeling that emotional disconnect, like he is pulling away. And so when it comes to making sense of that, you really have to think about the timing. And so timing is everything. We hear that all the time. Time is everything. But it's like, what part of your relationship are you in? And if you're early in the relationship and he's pulling away, that typically is a bad sign. Because if he's pulling away early, what do you think that what does that mean? That is he is he that into you if he's pulling away early? What do you think, Adam?

SPEAKER_01 6:11

No, um, and we should probably define or define early because I think a lot of people might have different definitions. My definition of early is before is little of steps one through five, like before an exclusive committed relationship, or maybe in a newish committed relationship, maybe a month in. Was is that what you would consider renewed?

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah, I think you know, the first couple months, like before you've like defined the relationship, you had that DTR talk about, you know, we are exclusive, committed. Uh that those early stages, it's when they're pulling away, it's it's a lot more problematic because it's possible that that shows that this person that you're with has an insecure attachment, in particular an avoidant attachment. They're starting to feel you're getting a little bit close, and that sends off the alarm bells, and then they're like, nope, and they pull away. Um, and so that's something that you'd you'd want to have kind of your radar up for. Um, it's also possible they're creating distance because you're getting close and they're not there and they don't have time for you because they have another partner. That's always a possibility, yeah. Right? Like if they can only see you every other weekend and not in their hometown ever.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

And you haven't met a living soul in their life, and you have no idea anything about that human being, except for when you're sitting across from that person sleeping with him.

unknown 7:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Yeah, it's it's very possible he has uh another partner.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Another partner, another family. Like, I mean, you just you have to be careful, you have to know that kind of thing. The one of the kind of bad situation that you can end up in when you feel him pulling away early is he knows he doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. And so this doesn't feel good to you, but he's actually trying to be nice in the sense that he knows like things are getting too serious and he doesn't want to totally hurt you and devastate you. So it's I mean, granted, he should just be more honest and open about it, but it's him trying to do a good thing by kind of maintaining a little bit of separation, a little bit of a barrier to preserve your feelings going forward, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Yeah, and I mean, think of it from the flip side. Probably anyone listening to this has been in a situation where you start dating someone, and you're like, I don't know, I'm not so sure about them. Like, they love to broil salmon every night because that's their favorite meal. I don't know, I hate salmon, so whatever. I thought it was something gross to me. They have salmon breath, and you're just like, ah, I don't see it, but I'm not quite sure. So you start to pull away a little bit. Maybe you've been in that situation, and what's crazy about this is when someone starts to pull away from you, you actually start to value them even more. Like it has the opposite effect. Like, if a guy starts to pull away from you, you start to, we as humans, we value what it is that we don't have. We value people when they in some ways are playing hard hard to get or being hard to get. So, by the very nature of him pulling away, um, that just creates this really toxic environment because you know, he's pulling away because he already senses that you don't, you're not, you know, you're getting a little too serious too soon. And then uh by him pulling away, it only just like adds fuel to the fire, and now you're in pure chasing mode.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

And so it's really important for you to remember this conversation when that happens, because you're gonna want to do the exact wrong thing, which is chase him down, be more with him, and that's the exact wrong thing to do because he's basically saying, like, I'm not feeling we're as compatible as you think we are. And quite honestly, what you really want is to be with somebody who's compatible with you. And so, you know, it's it's a kindness in a way, but it's that it's it's a good message not properly sent. I should say.

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Um, it's the worst thing that someone can do at this stage is they can confess their love for the other person. When you feel him pulling away at that stage, say, okay, he's starting to pull away. Rather than do my own thing, put my energy elsewhere, let him come to me if he's willing to step up to the plate. Rather than doing that, you sit him down or you call him, finally get in contact with him and say, Look, I just need to tell you, I'm falling in love with you. Don't do that, please. God, no. Um, I had something like that happen to me, even though I told the woman I wasn't interested in anything. And she felt like the best thing to do was to go even further over the top, as if that was going to suddenly trigger some like instinct within me to want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Have you ever had anything like that happening to you? No, not not in that particular context. But it's it is like weird, it's like one of those weird impulses. Like, you know what, you know what this really awkward situation needs? A grand gesture. And it's like, no, all you're doing is compounding the pain of of the rejection with like severe embarrassment because now, like, you've really put yourself out there and and that's counterproductive. And so, you know, I think we can all agree, like, these are situations no one wants to end up in. And so, you know, maybe you're wondering like, how do you how do you end up in this situation where like you're early in this relationship during a time when things should be just amazing and the other person's pulling away, perhaps because they're feeling incompatible. Like, how does this happen? And I think part of it is one, you picked the wrong person, right? Two, you went too fast too soon and it just fizzled out. Right. Like you were madly, deeply in love. You saw them every single day, you did all these things that we in our program warn you against doing, right? We we we suggest the opposite, date slow so you don't run into this problem. Um, and the last one, thirdly, is like you possibly just built this relationship on the wrong components, right? A lot of times people build their relationships based on physical attraction, chemistry, all of which are somewhat important, right? I mean, those are important elements, but if you rely too heavily on those kinds of things and not enough on compatibility, right? Like the friendship side of things, then you're more likely to run into this pattern later on where things are going great, and then all of a sudden people are starting to pull away from you because there's just not enough substance there to kind of carry and propel that relationship forward.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Amen. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now? Pause this episode and just leave us a review wherever it is that you're listening to the podcast. Really help us out a lot and it really does spread the love. And uh, I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show. I call it the three by three rule. Anywhere between three weeks to three months of getting to know him. If you move too fast, you start spending every single day with him, texting with him every single day. Before you know it, you're you have a your toothbrush and handbag at his place and uh you know, bag of clothes and everything. You're basically living with the guy anywhere from three weeks to three months in, he's going to pump the brakes and be like, Hey, you're moving too fast, even though, even if he was the one who's pushing things fast. So this is just the ultimate in um like just fizzling out and it fizzled out very, very quickly. So, women by nature, this is why we push this so hard, need to be the pacers, need to be the one who are ones who are slowing things down, being intentional because guys aren't going to do it, they're gonna push and push and push and push. And then once all the those love chemicals, the honeymoon period, it kind of wears off, they're going to start to pull away and move on to the next. So we need to be super intentional at that stage when it's early on in the connection, just really moving so that's why we have an entire little love step completely focused on this one concept, and that is definitely the little love step most of our clients struggle with the most.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yeah, and it goes back to something we say a lot, which is what gets you together isn't what keeps you together. And so, you know, it's it's hard because so many of those early experiences are going so well. And, you know, the human nature is like if it's going well now, it's always gonna go like this. And it's just if it's built on the wrong things, if you went too fast, it's not gonna last. And you're gonna be constantly surprised why six months in every relationship, it just kind of like goes away. And then, you know, oh, he left he was pulling away, that's bad. And it's like you kind of get in this really bad cycle. Um, and that's that's what we're trying to help you get out of uh with this talk. Um, so all that's really bad. I mean, that's just all that sounded awful. I mean, that that's just like the greatest hits of bad relationship experiences. Um, but that's all like when the guy's pulling away early in the relationship, later in a relationship. So, like to define later, you've defined the relationship, you're committed, six months, like you you've been, you're you've cut, you've gone from that new relationship into like established couple, right? And so here, when you sense your partner pulling away, this is one of the second like people freak out because it's like we finally I finally arrived, I finally got to the destination I've been at for this whole time, and now he's leaving. Like, what's going on? And so the thing I want people to appreciate is like this is going to happen. Yes, it's absolutely gonna happen. It's going to happen. And so people think when it happens to them, like it's never happened to other relationships and only happens in bad relationships. No, this happens. This is part of the natural, like you can't be at a super high level the whole time. Eventually, you kind of like drop back down to like stability, predictability, comfort, all the things that we want in a long-term relationship. This is a sign of a guy getting comfortable. So it is a good sign when you've been in a long-term relationship, and what you're feeling is him pulling away is actually him expressing that he's secure in this, he doesn't have to worry about this. It's not something that needs his constant attention. It's kind of like, okay, I feel good about this. Now I can go focus on other things. And so you always talk about guys focusing on other things in terms of their career at this stage.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, uh, well, think about the kind of the brain chemistry of what happens from an early relationship to an established relationship. Early on in the first three to six months of a relationship, your brain has the same kind of makeup as someone who is literally on cocaine. Like you have so many love chemicals just flowing through your body. It love is literally addictive. You don't see the imperfections in that person. You think everything is amazing. And even you'll listen to this podcast, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying, but no, no, he really is amazing. But what happens is once you hit that six month, it's four to six month time period, suddenly everything starts to shift and you start to see each other's imperfections. And the man, in my experience, the man tends to hold back a little bit in a healthy way because he is now like, okay, I love this woman. I'm with her. I really want to build a future together. Now that I'm kind of out of this, like we're having sex like four times a day type of phase. I'm gonna start focusing on the things that are important to me in my life so that I can build a future with this person, such as focusing on work. Very common situation. A guy will suddenly start to really lean into his profession because he wants to be able to provide. And I know that sounds like very 1950s of me, but it kind of is ingrained in us as men to just want to provide a great life for you. Maybe he's gonna be thinking about buying a house with you, maybe he's gonna be thinking about um being able to travel with you and spend the life, whatever it is. And so, by nature, if he's starting to pull away, then it may not necessarily be a good thing. It could be it a bad thing, it could actually be a good thing. And another thing that just happens, I should say, when you are going through that honeymoon phase is you kind of disconnect from your friends, your family a little bit. You focus all your energy on this relationship, and he might wake up in six months to be like, holy crap, I haven't gotten a beer with Bob at the local pub in like six months. I'm gonna start hanging with Bob a little bit, and all the while you're thinking, what is happening? Why is it not the same as the first six months? The answer is it'll never be the same as the six months. Those six months are a beautiful thing. Like, I think back to my first six months, my relationship. Oh my God, it was like so cute and adorable. And I really thought like that was gonna last forever, even though I know this stuff. But the reality is the relationship shifts and it actually gets deeper in a different way. I think it becomes more real, actually. Uh, once you get that six months, and obviously as the relationship develops. So, yeah, I think it's it's an important thing to keep in mind, and we call it the cool down period when you get to this phase. Like things start to cool off, don't freak out. This is very normal. Honestly, go do the same stuff, reconnect with friends, reconnect with old hobbies, reconnect with your identity, the things that were important to you back when you were single, because you probably lost it for a little bit there. All of that is super healthy.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Yeah, and I think you know, the the big picture thing here for people to realize is it's not always about you specifically. Like we take things very personally a lot of times, particularly when it comes to our relationship. We think like they're playing, it's something about me, it's something I did, it's something I said, it's it's about who I am. It's not, it it's in this particular case, it's a reshifting of priorities. And so you think about a guy's main priorities in in life love life, career, family, sports team, right? Right. It's those things. And so we all know, and properly so, like love life comes first. Like you, if you don't have the love life right, the all the other stuff doesn't really matter, right? And so he spent the last six months prioritizing his love life to the detriment of all those other things. And so now it's like, wait a second, I've now have to go touch base with all those other things to make sure like Bob, he's gonna be lonely drinking a beer by himself at the bar. Um, so I just you have to check in on all those other things. And like he doesn't want to let drop all those other priorities. And here's the other thing you don't want him to drop all those other priorities either, right? Because that's what makes him him. And so, like I said, you know, it happens, it's going to happen, it will always happen. Um, and it's just it's important to realize it um so that you can properly deal with it when it does happen. Therefore, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

I mean, I really think that there are three main, I mean, there are many phases of a relationship, but I would say there are three core phases. One is the honeymoon phase, two is the cooldown phase, and then three is like the uh I don't know, lifelong companionship phase, whatever. I don't know, Gary, give me a better term. Synergy, synergy, thank you, relationship synergy. Um, and I would say that when you are in the cool down phase, that requires the most patience out of all this because you'll go from like being single, like dating, meeting a ton of people, that's really fun, that's exciting. Then you'll go to a new hot and heavy relationship, really fun, really exciting. And then you go to this cool down phase where you can't date other people. You're relying on one person, and it's no longer hot and heavy like it used to be, and you're not yet at the phase where you're living together or married or have really have the security of you know, lifelong you know, agreement that you're gonna spend the rest of your life together. And so you're kind of stuck in this weird phase where you just gotta be patient, and that's hard. That's really hard for a lot of women, especially when if you're at a stage in your life where you really want to start a family, let's say you're in your mid. Late 30s. Um, I've seen a lot of women who are in that phase of life who just they can't seem to just be patient during that phase and just kind of let you kind of get in the same wavelength with one another.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Right. Yeah. And I think you know, it's important because like we keep saying this is going to happen in the long-term relationship that we want. This is going to happen. It's something we're all going to have to deal with. So I thought we would kind of finish this out by talking about some of the strategies people can use to deal with this kind of thing. Love it. And so I think one of the main things is like when this happens, particularly in a long-term relationship, right? So we're going to focus on that part now, is don't ignore it. Right. If it's something that's troubling you, if you're really like worried that it's something about your relationship, like we talk all the time. I say it all the time. It's like keep small problems small. Uh, communication is the way to solve all problems, right? And so ask. And you don't have to like, you know, don't be accusatory, like, hey, you're pulling away. Like, that's not the way. Assume good intentions, right? And all you have to do is say things like, hey, I feel like we're we aren't connecting lately. How are you feeling? Or I'm missing you. Everything okay? Or I'm picking up some like weird vibes between us. It's like, are are we cool? Like, however, you want to say some version of that, but just again, open-ended, broad, like give him space to talk and explain. And it's not, you're not making it about the relationship, you're just asking, like, in general, like, how's everything going? Right. That way he has a chance to explain. Because that if it is a problem about the relationship, he'll be able to fill it in. Right. If it's not a problem about the relationship, it's probably like has nothing to do with the relationship at all. It's like something at work he's got it, and like he'll be able to explain that, and then that can put your mind at ease.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

I would say assuming that this has been going on for a couple weeks, that would be my cap. Yeah, like if like let's give it a little bit of space before we do this. Uh be because I mean, look, just we've done this for a long time we've had thousands of clients, and sometimes they won't hear back for a day after like a due date. And then I would not recommend after that being like, Hey, I'm picking up on weird vibes. We okay? So give it a be a little bit patient. I would say a week, maybe even two, if you just feel it's like a little bit distant. That's where I would throw this out. I love that. I'm picking up weird vibes. Like, we okay? Yeah, and it's a great way to just initiate conversation. Chances everybody's gonna be like, Yeah, it's great. Like, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, got a lot going on in life, and uh yeah, everything's great.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Well, and I think this goes to you exactly what you just said about like giving a little bit of time goes to the next thing that we suggest, which is like, don't let your anxiety get the best of you because it can get the best of you in two ways. When you start getting in your head about like he's pulling away, he's pulling away. It's you can think, oh, he's gonna leave me, I'm gonna leave him first. Like you start like he's pulling away, I'm gonna run away, or I'm gonna shut down, and I'm not gonna give him anything because this is going bad and I don't want to get hurt. That's bad. The other thing you can do is chase him. He's pulling away. You start like he's busy at work, and all of a sudden you start texting him 10 times a day. Like, how are you? How are you? It's like that's just making everything worse. You're becoming needy, you're becoming clingy, you know, don't do the guilt trips. Like, I oh, don't you don't want to spend time with me, or the nagging or pressure or any of that kind of stuff. And that's all the ways your anxiety can get the best of you. What you want to do instead, and kind of what we just suggested a second ago is stay still. Yeah, let it give it a week, give it two weeks, build up enough to see the pattern, keep a lot of these things in mind, focus on yourself, your other relationships, like just let it simmer for a while and just kind of see how it goes, keeping this, all this information we're giving you here today in mind because it'll give you a clearer picture about what's actually going on.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah, just be present with with your life and your relationship. I think something else that happens, just kind of related to this, that I think is important to mention is that when you're about six months into a relationship, well, actually, I should say when you're single, you kind of have this assumption that once I'm in a relationship, all my problems will be fixed. And then you're kind of six months into a relationship, and he starts to go up and do his own thing, and then you start to separate a little bit, he's pulling away, and you suddenly realize all those same problems you had back then, they still kind of exist. Those anxieties, those challenges, everything going on, it hasn't been fixed. And that's kind of a harsh realization that I think people will struggle with at this phase, and it brings out even more anxiety because I do get what I'm like have you ever felt that? I definitely have felt that because I'm like very go, go, go. I'm always like trying to achieve, trying to get something. And then once you get to a place, it's even like for us when we got married, it's like you think, oh, once I'm married, everything's great. It's like honestly, no, same old stuff that you've ever got, same old issues that you've ever got. Whatever it is, if you're a highly anxious person, that doesn't go away. Um, and if you're struggling in any area of your life, that doesn't go away. So I think that that's just important to realize, especially because the majority of our clients are single, or people listening to this are single or casually dating, just to realize that that um it's not really an accomplishment getting there. You know, you just gotta be present there.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

Yeah, it's it's it's an accomplishment, but it's an accomplishment that still needs constant nurturing. Yes. It's like you put people are willing to put a lot of work into finding their partner, keeping your partner, like you said, it's like at that point, I was like, oh, we can just leave it to fate. I mean, that's kind of how it's supposed to be. It seems like that seems really romantic. Once I find the right person, then life's easy. Yeah. Well, it's not easy, it's easier than if you don't find the right person. But like that relationship needs nourishment, like anything else. And so you still can't just get lazy in love. Like, you have to keep feeding it, nurturing it, sustaining it, and doing all that stuff. And so, you know, some of it's sustaining the relationship. Some of it is you'll notice your partner pulling away less if you have more of your own things going on. Like, don't make your relationship the one and only end all, be all, self-defining characteristic about who you are. And so, you know, keep doing your own hobbies, keep cultivating your own interests, stay busy, like have things that occupy your time. And so then that way you're not constantly you don't, you then just won't have time to notice, frankly, like all the time your partner is doing other things too. And then that way you can each spend your time apart and then come back together. Um, it's it's something, you know, we we talk about relationship synergy in the program is like, you know, this idea of like two separate people who are optimally coming together and growing together. And it's this idea of like, you know, we're mutually independent. Like we have this like reciprocal independence where it's like, I want you're independent, I'm independent, and we're good being independent, but we're even better together. And so you got to give your partner some space to have some independence, and then you get your own space to have some independence, and then you have a lot more to share with each other when you are together.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah, he's not your other half, you're a whole already, and he's a whole, and then you together are greater than the sum of each part, and that's great. Relationships are great, but you gotta maintain your own thing. And honestly, like that, I think this is something that's really important that we talk a lot about for our single clients who are dating is this idea when a guy pulls away rather than chase, actually do the opposite, allow that tension to exist, allow it because that's a very healthy way of dating. Honestly, in relationships, that is a relatively similar thing to a degree. Obviously, like acknowledge it if it gets to a point where you it needs to be acknowledged, but like don't be afraid to just kind of like do your own thing a little bit, lean into your own hobbies, lean into your own stuff. Like, assuming the relationship is solid, everything's going well. Sometimes you just go in ebbs and flows of relationships. Sometimes he just needs a little bit of space. Sometimes he needs to hang out with Bob. I know for a fact, sometimes I don't have a friend named Bob, but if I did, like sometimes I need to just hang out with Bob. And she definitely needs to go hang out with her friends, and that's okay. It's great. By all means, it then when you get back together, it's like you missed each other. You got something to talk about.

unknown 30:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Well, and I think, you know, we talked earlier about, you know, don't let your anxiety get the best of you. And this is where you can do the opposite, which is like approach this how someone who's really secure, confident in themselves would approach it, which is them pulling away being independent. It's not a concern, it's a positive. Like, see the good in it because that gives me time to miss my partner and them to miss me. Then when we come together, there's more novelty because we haven't spent every last moment together. Like that creates longing, it creates desire. And like you said, it's it's just as important, if not more important, in a long-term relationship to allow some of that stuff to build up so that you have that to nourish the relationship going forward. Amen. Amen. Good.

unknown 31:06

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Anything else that you want to mention with all this?

SPEAKER_00 31:08

No, I I think that's that's pretty much it. In terms of, you know, I end of the day, make sure, give yourself the time to really assess the the situation to see if you're overreacting, if it's really nothing. Where is when is this occurring in the relationship and what might it mean? Because it might mean something very different early in the relationship than at the end of the relationship. And as with all things, like be intentional, be patient, and be thoughtful.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Amen. Amen. And just never forget that you are the prize, right? Like, if you have the confidence that, like, if you're single and just starting to casually date a guy or starting to date a guy and he starts to pull away, you know that you're the prize and you're an amazing human being, you're not gonna chase him because you're like, whatever, he's not stepping into me. I'm gonna go elsewhere. And then if you're in a relationship and he starts to pull away and you're the prize, you're just gonna be like, okay, uh, you know, it seems okay. Like, I'll give it a week, see if anything happens. And then, you know, he's still pulling away. You you'll have the confidence to just talk to him about it. Like, hey, just check in. Like, I've got a weird vibe. Then he says everything is okay. And again, if you have confidence and you start to realize that you are the prize, you bring a lot to the table, you have a lot of value, you'll take his word for it, right? And say, Okay, you've been busy at work, totally get it. Give him a little bit of space, go hang out with your friends, and before you know it, it blows over in a month. The opposite is low value behaviors, or when you're insecure. And I get it, I've been there. When you're single and someone's pulling away, doing everything you can to get them back. Oh my god, how do I get his attention? How do I, or in my case, her attention? How do I just bring the like try and pull that person back? Or if you're in a relationship, not believing your partner when they say everything is okay. That no, there must be something, you've been just so distant. What's going on here? Insecure behaviors. So just like understanding these behaviors and realizing you are truly the prize. And if he wants to be with you, he's he's with you, right? And and that's just such an important part of all this is just realizing how much you really have to offer on relationship. And if you if you don't fix that core piece of it, you're gonna find yourself constantly chasing men in the wrong at the wrong times, the wrong places.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah, absolutely. You know, you have to only seek out the people that want to be with you, and they should all want to be with you because you're fantastic. If they think they can do better, let them try. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Good place to end. Thanks, Gary. All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you're listening, so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head on over to lovestrategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and uh speak to you next week.