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If you're a successful single woman who's getting out there, dating, meeting guys, but it's creating so much anxiety that you almost can't sleep, that you're just focusing so much on the future and it's really kind of a thief of joy for you, then this video is for you because I'm going to be giving you four ways that you can think about overcoming some of that anxious feeling so that you can actually enter the dating scene with the right type of energy. My name is Adam LaDolce. I'm an executive love coach for those who are new to the channel. And I've started creating these more raw videos for you all because I really, really want you all to just step into my world and get to know me. And I've decided that this is the future of communicating with all of you. It's just sitting down face to face, screen to screen, getting to know one another. And I'm going to share a lot in this video about some things that I've actually been experiencing and what made me want to shoot this video in the first place. So I'm creating this video really for two reasons. Number one is I understand, because I'm an executive love coach, working with so many women, typically over the age of 50, who are dating and just feeling so anxious, so exhausted, so just um concerned about what might happen. They might be concerned that they'll never find love or that the guy that they're dating is going to leave them. And it just destroys their kind of self-esteem through the process. And the second reason I'm shooting this video is kind of on a personal side, is that frankly, the past three months has been quite an anxious-filled three months for myself. Um, I'm not by nature an anxious person, but there's been a lot going on in my life that has created quite a bit of anxiousness. It's just like a compounding effect. There's been some health issues in our family's life. Um, my wife is pregnant with uh a baby boy that's coming very, very soon. Uh, we decided to buy a new house. We are trying to sell our old house right now, and I am uh currently sitting in that new house, and the one piece of furniture that we have right now is a pool table, and we're moving in next week. It is like, and there's there's a lot of other things going on. It's just one of those moments in life where anxiety has kind of become a little bit of part of my life. And in many ways, it's given me the context that many of you might be experiencing in your love life, although for very different reasons. I'm no longer dating, I'm not a successful single woman uh dating, but I certainly work with a lot of women like yourself. And I know the feeling of trying to not think about the future or concern yourself with what might happen or can think about the past. And, you know, it's just kind of a season of life that I'm currently going through right now. And I want to share with you some of the things that have really been helping me a lot through this particular season that I'm currently in. So I took a few notes here and I want to share these with you. Um, for starters, stop trying to control the controllables. When you are dating, there are going to be some things in your life that you absolutely can't control. You can't control the date that you are going to find your person. You can't control if the guy you went out with three times is gonna call you for a fourth date. I remember a couple of days ago, I was speaking with a client and she's like, Adam, I made a big mistake. Big mistake. And I was like, What? What was the big mistake? She's like, I've been dating this guy, we've gone on seven dates and we slept together. And I said, Well, what's the mistake? She said, Well, I haven't yet heard back from him. And it was only a very short period of time, but I understand that there's this anxiety that exists where you're like, Oh my God, is this now going to be the end of this connection? And I, in many ways, eased a lot of her concern by saying, Look, it hasn't been a very long period of time, and we can't control what this man is going to do from this moment forward. You did nothing wrong. You're a consenting adult. It's been seven dates of getting to know each other and building emotional attraction. And we're now in a season or moment where we're gonna see how this guy responds, and very, very likely he's going to be asking her out again and wanting to see her. He's taken her out seven times, getting to know the human being that she is. It's not like he does all that and then suddenly just bam, never calls her again. It could happen, but we can't control that at this current juncture. So let's not allow it to overwhelm us with anxiety. And so anytime we're feeling anxious or concerned, it's because we are taking the very things that are totally outside of our ability to control and we're trying to control them. We're trying to hold on to them. In my own life, I was speaking to my mom actually the other day. She's so wise, she's so incredible, and she has um just so much incredible advice to give. I was going through a number of the things going on in our life, and she immediately broke it down by the things that are completely outside of our control versus the things that are deeply within my control. And it was such an incredible exercise because some of the things like we have a lot of health issues in the family, um, not in our immediate family, but um, you know, our parents and things like that. Those are things that are deeply outside of my control right now. And for me to have the an immense amount of anxiety trying to control those things is only going to make everything much worse. Then there were some situations that I could genuinely improve, like today, and start working on, start taking action. And in many ways, taking action is what alleviates the anxiety. So, again, back to dating for all of you, and you're gonna have to excuse, I'm gonna bounce back and forth in this video because again, this is a raw video. I want you to feel like it's a conversation. In your dating life, perhaps you can't control when you are going to find the love of your life, but you know what you can control is getting that beautiful behind off of the couch and meeting as many people as possible. You can control spending 30, 40 minutes creating an incredible profile. You can control getting a support system, like with my team or another dating coach, whoever it is, you can control that and have the right strategies and the right approach. Those are all within your control. You just can't control exactly when it's going to come. So, number one is stop trying to control the uncontrollables. Number two is separate the noise from the signal. Sometimes in life, when we're in a season, when we're in a storm, there's a lot happening. And we are sometimes experiencing things that we think are much bigger problems than they actually are. I'll relate it to dating for this particular one, which is I hear this a lot where I'll start working with a new client and they'll be working with us for a couple, you know, maybe a couple months, and they'll go on some great dates, and then they'll go on a date with one guy and they don't hear from that guy again. And then they will go on the apps and be messaging with a guy, and then the guy doesn't message them back and they think, that's it. Dating doesn't work anymore. I can't do this, I can't do this. And then there's always this ebb and this flow. And this just happened a couple months ago with a client, in fact. And I always remind them that that is just noise in the system. You can't determine a pattern based on just a few isolated instances. Now, if this happened five, six times in a row, that's very different. But if it happened one or two times, in the moment, it feels like the world is collapsing right from underneath your feet. And you're like, what the heck is happening? Why am I in the season? Why is everything falling apart? But the reality is it's a very small data set, and you got to be able to look really separate those small little moments from you know, the noise from the signal. It's not quite signal yet. And I remember when I spoke to that client a couple of weeks ago and that happened to her, the very next guy she went out with ended up being her person. And so it's just so important to recognize that once again, when you are going through this process, separate those two things very clearly. Okay, moving forward, and this will be the one edit in this video because speaking of anxiety, as I'm shooting this video, I have a bunch of contractors in my house who decided to start talking very, very loud as I'm shooting this video. So I had to do a quick beat. So let's go to the third one, which is all about rumination and avoiding ruminating, which is just getting in a constant loop of negative thinking. It's constantly talking about and thinking about the problem over and over and over again. And in fact, I'm a big supporter of therapy for many of our clients. We work well with clients who are currently in therapy, but there is a point at which you can just live in the problems over and over and over again, talk about it, whether it's with your therapist, whether it's with your girlfriend, whether it's with ChatGPT, God help you. And you just begin to live in this constant negative loop. And there has to become a point where if you're feeling like that's happening in your love life, perhaps talking about it constantly with your girlfriends is not helping you. Perhaps constantly writing about all the problems that you're experiencing, it's not helping you. And one thing that I really pride myself in here at Love Strategies is all of our clients, we do want to vent for a short period of time. Like we allow our clients to have the moment where they are just so frustrated with everything that's going on sometimes if they're in that season. And then we nip it in the bud and we say, look, let's move forward with opportunity. And the best part is once we do that, then in another couple of months, they meet the love of their life. It's just you gotta kind of stop that thinking at a certain point and just move forward. And I will tell you, you know, I've been a mindset coach and a dating coach for over a decade now. And I've been teaching this stuff for, you know, again, like over 15 years. But I've even found myself getting caught in this rumination loop of all these various problems that have been going on. That many of them are uncontrollable in my life. And what I've really done to stop that loop is started to focus on everything that is going really, really well. Focusing on, you know, I've kind of poo-pooed gratitude journals for many, many years. Like, come on, gratitude journals, are you serious? But there is something to sitting down and recognizing all of the beautiful things that are happening in your life. And for all of you who are dating, having a gratitude journal for yourself, all of the wonderful things that you bring into a relationship, recognizing that there is a man out there who is lucky to have you, who is lucky to have every part of you who you've spent your entire life building this incredible human being that you are today. And if this man comes into your life, he should be thanking whatever it is up there, whatever you truly believe, whether it's God or anything else, he should be thanking God that he met you. And if you can start to appreciate that and get outside of your problems, the problems you can't control, and not ruminate with them and and and instead focus on the future potential. What is what can you start doing today to start solving some of these problems that are within your control? Then suddenly you can get outside of that loop a little bit. And so I even went through a phase uh maybe three weeks ago where I was like, you know, I'm gonna just like chat with ChatGPT a little bit and just see how this goes. And what I found is it just gets you into this constant negative cycle. It's just cycling you, cycling you into your problems and your problems. And it just can create this moment where you are just living living and reliving future potential issues that are coming and your concerns, and it only grows your anxiety even more. So, for those of you who have experienced that, I do not recommend falling into that loop. It was something I tried. And one thing that I really love as well about you know our program here at Love Strategies is we have our own AI and it is very specifically programmed to not do that. You know, I can't use it because it's very focused on dating for successful single women. Again, it wouldn't be applicable to me, but it is our own um AI system that is designed very specifically to take people out of that loop and focus on the future and what they can do today to be successful. Now, the fourth way I found to really manage anxiety is to just zoom out. Zoom out on your life, zoom out wide enough where the small problem that you might be having right now is something you might not even remember a year from now. It will be a blip in time. It doesn't even exist in your world. But the problem is when we're in it, when we're in the storm, whether we haven't heard back from a guy or we haven't gone on a date in a couple of weeks or a couple months or even a couple of years, we think that that is our only reality that exists. But it's so important to just zoom out our on our entire life and honestly recognize that at some point, all of us are gonna die. We're all gonna die. The only thing that is true in this world is that we're going to die. And I hate to be a little bit morbid here, but it's important to recognize that this is the one life we have to live. And we're at a point right now where you might be struggling. It's in this like season of life where you're feeling the feelings, you're feeling the anxiety, you're feeling the concern about some guy who doesn't even deserve it. What are we doing here? What are we doing, giving this guy even an ounce of our emotional space? Let's zoom out on our life. This is just a small part of an incredible journey that you're going through. And when you can start to do that, that's something I've done a lot. Again, it's very different than what you're going through in your love life. But it's the same feeling that I have right now, where, you know, of course, with the baby coming and everything else, it's just like it's very overwhelming. But zooming out on everything that's going on, it's just such an exciting time. And if you can reframe your own dating life, kind of like for many of you, probably been parents, uh, you know, and maybe your parents are your kids are a little bit older, and that's fine. But recognize that perhaps when you're in it, it's anxiety provoking, but it can actually be one of the most beautiful moments of your life. And that's what I think dating can be like for many of you. It can be that moment where it kind of sucks and it's annoying and it's frustrating, and these guys are just like, oh, you gotta, you know, kiss a lot of totes. And it's like, come on, why do I have to do this? But then your prince appears and you realize, you know what? It was so worth it every single step of the way. And I'm gonna look back at this moment and think to myself, ha ha ha, that was kind of funny. That was kind of interesting, that was kind of weird, that was kind of crazy, and it was so worth it. So, for those who are listening, I just want you all to know I'm here for you all. And for those who are feeling anxious, just know you might be in a season right now where or a storm where it's just a little bit too much, you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed, but I'm here for you every single step of the way. And you're gonna get through this storm and you're gonna have so much more character on the other side of it. So I appreciate you all. And if you enjoy videos like this, a little bit more raw, a little bit more open, just let me know in the comments because it really fuels me to create more of these. I'll create as many as I can during this season of life. These are a lot easier for me to shoot than maybe a little bit more uh edited and all of that good stuff. But I appreciate you all. Go get it and leave that comment right there below or uh let me know how you feel. I appreciate you all and enjoy your day. Bye bye.