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Are you a successful single woman who is divorced and decided, you know what? It's time to start dating again. It's time to get my beautiful behind off the couch to start meeting guys. Because you've been listening to Love Strategies, you've been a part of this community, and you're ready to find your forever person. Well, I applaud that. I want that for you more than anything, but I also want you to take a beat. Before you do that, take a pause, watch this entire video. Because there are three critical questions you need to ask yourself and do a little bit of the inner work before we get back out there. Because the last thing I want you to do, the last thing I want is for you to repeat the same patterns. Because let's start by taking a look at some of the math. I want to put on my nerd glasses here. Let's just take a second to look at the statistics. Because I think most people know that first marriage divorce rate is around 46 to 50%. That's been pretty stable over the past decade, which is fantastic. That's good. We don't want that to go up. But no one talks about the second marriage divorce rate. And that is still nearly 39%. So it's a little bit better than your first marriage divorce rate, but it's not that much better. And so what does this tell us? It tells us that most people after divorce, they don't do the hard work by looking in the mirror and facing the facts, face the truth, and say, hey, what the heck was my part in all of this? Instead, they just want to blame their partner. They want to blame their ex. They want to say he's a narcissistic pig that always wanted to sleep with other women, flirt with people. He wasn't very kind to me. And by the way, all of that absolutely can be true. And you can still be the person who chose him. There's still a part you played in it. And until we take a look in the mirror and really acknowledge that, we risk repeating the same patterns. So in this video, I'm going to be making sure that you don't repeat those patterns so we can move forward with the right strategy. My name is Adam LaDolce. I'm an executive love coach and the founder of this company called Love Strategies. And we've helped some of the most successful single women on the planet get out there and attract love and do it with a strategy and a support system. And I've coached over 10,000 women over my career over the past decade. I'll tell you what, 90% of them were all divorced. A huge percentage of our clients are divorcees. And that's something that we really specialize in. And I just had an event last weekend where we had clients fly in from all around the world. And I was talking to a lot of the different clients about their experience with their past relationships and their past divorces that they've gone through or the divorces that they're still going through right now. And it's freaking hell. And I realized how important it is to do some of the inner work before they start getting out there and dating. And don't worry, I'm not saying you need to go on this crazy healing journey where you go do ayahuasca in the middle of Mexico and find yourself and stuff like that. You just got to ask yourself a few simple questions to really just acknowledge yes, you did play a part in that process so that you can take ownership and be empowered moving forward. Which leads me to the first question that I need you to ask yourself. If you got to do it, look in the mirror. And that is, how did I contribute to the end of the marriage? What role did you play in the marriage in the dysfunction? Was it communication? Was it perhaps not prioritizing the relationship? Was it even potentially staying in the relationship for way too long when you knew 10 years ago you should have left? What was your role in the ugly ending of the relationship? Once you can truly answer that question, suddenly you can be protected when you get out there and start meeting the next person because I don't want you to repeat the same old patterns. The second question I really want you to ask yourself is why was I attracted to my ex-husband in the first place? This is probably the holy grail of all questions, because this is the very beginning of an entire journey that you had with your ex-husband. Was it his confidence? Was it his charm? Was it something that he said on the first date? Was this a way that he carried himself? Were you attracted to who the man was at the time or the man that you wanted him to become? Did you know from the very beginning that it was wrong, that he wasn't right for you? And did you stay because you believed that he could change? And the point of this question is not to blame you. It's for you to really take a look at that moment in time and really understand hey, you know what? I made a decision to move forward with this person, knowing in my gut that there was something off, that he wasn't right for me. And if that wasn't the case for you, that's okay. There are other questions we can ask and different angles we can hit on. But if that is the case for you, it's really important for us to take a look at that because if we're gonna start dating again, it's so important for us to have the most important power through the dating process, which is walking power and recognizing that when you meet a man and you meet a person, you are committing to him as he is today, not who you believe this man could be, or hitting this from a different angle. Was the emotional volatility of the relationship actually exciting to you? Did you kind of subtly enjoy that? Did you subconsciously enjoy that? Did you enjoy the fact that he was hot and cold, that he was a little bit mysterious, that you couldn't really understand who this guy was? And that made you drawn to him. If that's the case, it's really important to recognize that because we do not want to repeat that pattern again. Because let me tell you, consistency is hot. Moving forward, a man who is clear and consistent about his intentions with you has got to be very attractive. And when we bring on a new client and we coach them on how to get out there and find love, we want to really reinforce this message before they meet their person. And that is that when you meet a guy who's really clear, he's really consistent, he's really into you, he's pursuing you, he's it feels different. And in many ways, it starts to feel kind of weird. It feels off-putting because you're like, what is this dude's deal? Like, why is he texting me every day? Why is he planning ahead? Why is he taking me on dinners? Why is he clearly showing me and telling me how much he cares about me? That feels weird in some ways because you're so used to previous relationships not feeling that way. It feels weird. It feels like almost you feel skeptical. The trust wall kind of comes up where you're like, I don't know if I can trust this person. Or sometimes it even just feels a little bit boring. It's like, oh, this guy is leaning in. He's telling me how he feels. I know exactly where I stand with him. Boring. It just becomes a little bit boring. But I'll tell you what, when you experience this the first time, if you've never experienced this before, you gotta push through that initial instinct to kind of push away a little bit. And you gotta recognize that boring is actually very healthy. Healthy relationships tend to be a little bit more boring at first. It doesn't mean that they can't be incredibly exciting and full of sparks and full of um attraction and uh drive towards each other and passion. You can have all those things, but it's also gonna feel a little bit boring at times because it's not gonna have the emotional volatility of your likely ex-husband. And if you find that you keep attracting, or more importantly, choosing the wrong types of guys, then I have something that's gonna be really helpful for you. If you head on over to attractiontype.com, or you can click the link in the description. I have a quiz for you. It's gonna tell you what is your attraction archetype. You see, Dr. Gary Lewandowski and myself, he's our chief love scientist here at Love Strategies. We put together this very simple assessment where there are four different attraction archetypes. And once you understand your attraction archetype, suddenly you're gonna understand why you're drawn to certain types of red flags in the first place. And this quiz only takes about two minutes to complete, and then there's a short video that'll walk you through the rest of this. Once you understand your attraction archetype, suddenly you can start focusing your attention on the right types of guys who at first might feel a little bit more boring, but in the long term are gonna be incredibly great lifelong partners. Which leads me to the third question that you gotta ask yourself when you look in the mirror. And that is, how will I show up differently in my next relationship? Are you gonna be clear about setting boundaries with this person, especially early on the relationship, because you set the tone of how this man treats you? Or are you gonna continue to let men walk all over you just because they're tall, handsome, and appear to be successful? Okay, we're not going to do that. We're gonna set clear boundaries early on. Or more importantly, are you going to communicate your needs more in the relationship? Because I hate to tell you, ladies, this is the truth. Us guys, we cannot read your mind. We're not mind readers, we can't do it. So unless you talk to us in a way that we can understand, and sometimes for men, it has to be in like second grader language, okay? Like really clear basic communication, suddenly he's not gonna know what to do to be able to please you because high character men that you're going to meet, especially when you follow our strategy, they want to please you. They want to give you the life that you want, but they need to know what it is that you really want. I also want you to be thinking, are you gonna be accepting this man for who he is when you meet him rather than trying to change him into the person that you want him to be? Because look, if you're dating over the age of 50 and you're dating a guy who's in his 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond, he is who he is. You're not going to change him. So you either accept him for who he is, all the flaws he brings, or you say next and move on to the next. But we are not going to spend our emotional energy trying to change these guys when they're not going to change. And finally, will you just slow it down a little bit out there, ladies? Especially when you meet a guy that you really like, that you're really attracted to. I want you to have enough time to get to know this man because at the end of the day, he's still a stranger for the first three months. So slow it down through the dating process. Continue exploring other options. Let's do this right this time around, because I guarantee that with your ex-husband, you probably moved a little bit too quickly at first. So, to sum it all up, here are the three questions one more time in case you need to write them down. And this might take a couple of days to really reflect on. Number one, how did I contribute to the end of the marriage? Number two is why was I attracted to my ex-husband in the first place? And number three, most importantly, how will I show up differently in my next relationship? And for those of you who want a little bit more guidance and a little bit more help diving into these questions and understanding your patterns, then I have something very special for you. It's where you can jump on a Zoom call with someone on my team who's going to understand these patterns and help you answer these questions. And then, secondly, put together a custom strategy for your love life. That's what we do around here. And if that sounds like something that would be really helpful for you, head on over to loveapply.com or you can click the link in the description where you schedule a love strategy session. It's completely free. And at the end of that call, if you decide, you know what? I need a little bit of help making sure I do things differently this time, then we would love to welcome you to Love Strategies family and guide you every single step of the way with the right strategy and the right support system. Again, that's loveapply.com. Speak to y'all soon. Bye bye.